when all is said and done | e.d.

forty-nine

harper

i didn't hate it.

... alright. that's a lie. it was absolutely the worst sex of my life. and maybe it's because i had high expectations from ethan, and he was clearly nervous, but it did not satisfy me at all.

frankly, i was waiting for it to be over.

he was so sweet about it, though. he kept asking if everything was okay each time we would move further. ethan was always more of a "this alright?" type of guy, and he only asked once or twice. not constantly. it's like ethan knew what he was doing more. he knew exactly what i wanted each time. maybe it's because ethan has known me longer and thomas just isn't sure my boundaries yet.

he's laying beside me, scrolling through his phone and probably answering a couple emails.

one more chance, i think to myself. he gets one more chance to make me feel something.

i'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt by saying that he was nervous, but next time there will be minimal excuses. if there's no spark, it's time to let it go.

ethan finds his way into my mind, and i smile, wondering what he's doing right now. probably nose deep in a true crime novel, drinking coffee and laying on his soft bed.

i'll see him around the office, carrying different books every now and then that he reads on his lunch breaks. sometimes i'll ask about them, and he'll start on a tangent about how good, bad, gross, shocking, or lame it is.

when i first met him, i didn't picture him to be much of a reader. hell, i'm not much of a reader.

he says it's a stress thing, but he's stressed all the time which leads me to believe he reads more than he does anything else.

it's a wednesday night, which means i have no morning meetings tomorrow, and i can get away with sleeping in if i have to. i don't know thomas' plans, but i hope he doesn't miss something important if he stays over.

i slide out of bed quietly, tip toeing to pull some shorts on underneath my long t shirt.

"where you going?" he asks, looking up from his screen.

i smile. "just to the kitchen. do you want me to make you something?"

"that's okay, babe. i'm not hungry."

i nod and make my way to the kitchen.
my tea kettle is heating up on the stove, and i grab ruby from her spacious kennel, where she was sleeping with her favorite toy.

i bought one for her so she could have her own little space when she's over at my place, and i stuffed it with a bed and a couple plush animals.

my doorbell rings as i'm dipping the tea bag in the mug, and i furrow my eyebrows, wondering who it could possibly be this late on a wednesday.

"it's 9 o' clock," i mumble as i shuffle to the door.

i open it rather annoyed, since it would be considered not socially acceptable to ring the doorbell this late without even calling to tell me you're stopping by.

"hello—" i start to say in a dry, monotonous voice.

ethan looks up from his feet, making me stop my words. the dim street lights make it hard to see his facial expressions, but it's clear that he's apologetic.

"hi," he says sheepishly. "i hope you're not busy or anything, but i tried calling you about an urgent work thing... and you didn't pick up."

i stumble over my words before apologizing, and opening the door wider. he doesn't take off his shoes like he normally would, and i think it has something to do with the extra pair in his spot.