Trust [Lams AU]

30

Trigger Warning: Homophobia, abuse mention, drug mention

A/N: Enjoy!!!!

John felt like the floor had just been ripped out from under him.

He'd just faced his biggest fear, done the one thing he'd always been terrified to do, the thing that had kept him awake at night for the past two years since that horrible day with the therapist.

He'd just told his parents that he was gay.

He, John Laurens, had just come out to his parents.

He, John Laurens had just told his extremely homophobic parents that he was gay.

The room was so silent John could hear the sound of his own racing heart.

His parents were standing there, stunned, as though the reality of John's words hadn't quite registered yet.

They just stood there, staring at him like two deer in headlights.

For a moment, John was terrified.

What if they get angry?

What if it's like freshman year all over again?

What if they disown me for real this time?

What if they throw me out of the house?

What if they kill me?

I shouldn't have done this. This was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have done this I shouldn't have done this I shouldn't have done this.

His muscles tensed, his heart started to race, his body braced itself for the pain it was about to endure, for the blows and the screaming and the cuts and bruises that would be left behind.

"Jacky..." John's father whispered, as though John were a baby animal and any loud noise would scare him away.

"I-"

John's heart was pounding. He felt like he was going to be sick.

This was a terrible idea.

Why did I think that I could somehow make everything better?

After so many years, why did I think that I could change everything with some stupid t-shirts?

Why did I think that I could ever be happy?

"Jacky, I think we should sit down and have a family discussion about this." John's father said, setting his phone down on the table.

John was stunned.

"W-What?"

"I said, I think we all just need to sit down and talk about this." His father said. "We all just need to come clean and tell the truth. There are too many secrets in this family."

John sat down in a rocking chair across from his parents, who were sitting down on the couch.

His hands were shaking. Every hair on his body was standing on end.

His body was on high-alert. Every sight and sound was intensified. Every nerve in his body was tingling, like a wild animal who sensed a predator nearby. He was waiting for something horrible to happen, every second seeming to last an eternity because he knew that tragedy would strike at any second.

Hypervigilance. John thought to himself. This must be how Alex feels all the time.

John's father took a deep breath. He was wringing his hands, the way he always did when he was nervous.