How Do We Live?

Chapter 7: Passive Transport

I really do believe that life is a like a big and thick book of biology.

Because we are living, we revolve around the things that has life in it and the world is big network of interconnectivity. We lived for a cause, we are here for a reason and we meet people for a purpose. Some things happen to us because it was meant to be; whether for the experience and open an opportunity or to be a lesson we shouldn't forget.

It's like a passive transport, a naturally occurring phenomenon and does not require the cell to exert any of its energy to accomplish the movement.

That sometimes, things do actually happen even if we don't have control on it. Kahit pa iwasan natin, kahit pa pigilan natin, it is bound to be there. It's meant to be there.

in layman's term; Destiny

I guess I found my soul purpose when I found the strength to live again after that tragedy. I'm thankful that I didn't degrade myself more just because it happened to me. I'm broken and in oblivion, but some part of me is still a piece of this cruel reality, hindi ko na iyon maiaalis pa.

Inilapag ko ang bulalak sa puntod niya. I usually make it a habit to always visit him whenever I feel lonely or sad. He's just a grave reminder for me that I shouldn't stop living in this dark world because some people out there may be in need of me someday... I want to have an impact not to the world but the people in it who suffers.

In that way, I want to be a doctor. I want to save peoples live. I want to dedicate mine to live-out their life more and retrieve them from the death thread. And I want to continue his fallen dream to be someone's savior.

It's been two years but it feels like it was just yesterday. I still miss him the same. I still feel the void in me that he used to occupy.

I miss you kuya Dom.

"Hey, kuya. Time flies. Sophomore year ko na. Nasabi ko na ba sayo na I'm taking up biology? Nursing sana kaso di na ako pasok sa quota ng school. And I've telling you this for repetitive times already. Sana di ka nagsasawa."

I can feel my eyes heat and sore because of the sudden feeling of pain in my chest. My ribs are like puncturing my heart without me even noticing.

"It should have been your graduating year. Edi sana magreresidency ka na and prepare for your exam."

I can even imagine how neat and handsome he could be in a doctor's coat and stethoscope. He could have been starting to save and inspire people in his own ways.

Dominique was very loving as a brother. He's always giving and very supportive. He's the one that conjure me to be better and be kind. He's really good and ideal, he's even funny kahit minsan ang corny ng mga joke niya. The way he handles his academics above all, his priorities are absolute. And he's a blessing for both of my parents.

His very ideal...

And what happened to him is something he doesn't deserved.

"I still keep my promise, kuya. You will get the justice that you deserve. Even if I put my life in line. I will. You don't deserve this."

Pinalis ko ang luha sa aking pisnge ng maramdaman ko iyong tumulo. Iniiwas ko ang aking tingin sa puntod niya to refrain myself from breaking down again. I don't want him to see me shattering all over repeatedly.

Iniayos ko ang relos sa aking kaliwang palapusan at tinignan ulit ang lapida niya.

"I'll be going na, kuya. We will visit you again, I promise. Sama ko na si mama at papa. You stay happy where you are, okay? We're fine here."

I said bago nagdesisyon na umalis na.

Life has been rough with me. The world has crushed me...

At the age of 17, I was raped and my brother got killed and justice is nowhere to be found because of those who bend the law in their favor. I committed suicide but thankfully it didn't went to my death  and even diagnosed with severe depression.

Pero hindi iyon dahilan para tumigil ako sa mga bagay na gusto kong gawin. I had my dark days; sessions with my psychologist, psychiatrist and almost end up in a ward in a mental hospital.

But I have to live after that, my brother's death will be put to waste if I didn't continue my life. I want to... and that's what I'm going to do.

I learned that the world is viscous. It will not adjust with how weak and pained I am. And if I want to survive I have to hold on myself more. The weak have no room in this barbaric world. People should learn that even in the most inhumane time, they should always hold their humanity that is in gamble line.

Siguro bonus point na lamang that my parents are loving. Even in the times that I take away my own life, even if I try to blame everything that had happened to me. They never gave up on me. Nawalan na sila ng isang anak, and I guess it will be their death also if I'd die too.

My friends are a great help dahil lagi nila akong sinasamahan. They never made me feel alone in my sorrows. They are not only present on the days that I have everything but they are also on my side when I lost everything.

Sumakay ako sa kotse ko at nagsimula ng magmaneho pauwi. Tapos na naman ang klase ko para sa araw na ito.