Absent Hearts

Chapter 11 - Gummy Bears

I slowly begin to open my eyes and the first thing I'm greeted with is the sinking feeling of realizing that you still exist.

I'm not going to lie, it's gotten better. So much better. From the second the plane landed everything was so much more peaceful, no more yelling, arguing, hypervigilance, crazy parents. None of that. It's been great, I don't think Emily and I've been this happy since we were younger than we can remember.

It sucks to leave Oliver and my older sister behind but she left for college two years ago so I'm already used to it, as for Emily she's starting to adjust. There were those occasional nights where she spent 3 hours crying because she really misses him, but she hadn't had one of those in nearly a week. I bet it's been hard but she's doing way better now. I'm proud of her. The girl's been through so much, seeing her genuinely smile for the first time in a little over 8 years makes me happier than words could describe.

I like to think I'm not a pessimist, I say I expect the worst but deep down I always expect the best which only results in getting let down yet again. After a while it just gets old, and you stop expecting anything from the universe because nothing matters to you anymore.

You could watch the world fall apart you think, oh... Cool. Your world has already fallen apart years ago so nothing you experience is all that surprising anymore. So unless the only thing keeping you sane gets taken away nothing really matters to you.

I thought this would be different though, our entire lives we've lived with toxic people so we thought finally getting out of that environment would help. And it did, it really really did. But I guess it's not that easy to get rid of the after math.

We didn't even know feeling okay was possible before getting here yet here we are, happy and finally living our lives. It's a big change, going from constantly getting reminded that you're not good enough every single day to being with people who make you feel like maybe you're worth something. Change and I were never really great friends, so I guess that's just it. I just have to get used to this feeling and I won't dread waking up every day.

I take a deep breath and sit up, grabbing my glasses and sliding them on.

"What time is it?" I ask looking around the van, the sun is down and the only source of light is the headlights of the car and the brightness of someone's phone screen.

Aurelio looks up from his phone "Oh, you're awake. Good morning, or more like goodnight. It's 8:34 pm." he takes what looks to be a gummy bear out of the bag resting on his lap and eats it.

"How did you- you were- then who is-" I point to the driver's seat and back at him, questioning how he's next to me now.

The van has 10 seats, the passenger and driver's in the front then two rows with a pair of seats on each side.

"Relax, we take turns driving. I'm not about to drive for eleven hours straight. It's Seth's turn now." he says in a quiet tone trying not to wake up the rest of the boys.

Wait, Emily's sleeping? What? Is that even possible?

I look around the van and she is indeed sleeping in her seat covered with a blanket.

Wow, I didn't know that was even possible. The girl can't sleep for the life of her.

"I slept for eight hours?" I whisper, taming the edges of hair that got messed up when I slept.

"Pretty much, yeah. Nice sleeping skills you got there." his lips tug up to form a slight smile.

"Thanks, it took years of practice. Why aren't you sleeping with everyone else?"

"Sorry I'm not a hoe." he dramatically scoffs.

"You know what I mean, dumbass." I roll my eyes.

"I just don't feel like sleeping, plus the snacks aren't gonna finish themselves." he carefully takes a gummy bear out of the bag making sure not to make any noise. "Speaking of, aren't you hungry? Breakfast was over 9 hours ago."