I Can't Help Falling in Love With You

Season 1: Episode 6-Alec

I got a message from Jace about Magnus needing me for something. Before I was trying to avoid Magnus. Being around him makes it harder to control my emotions. But maybe that's just fine. I'm going. I don't care what my parents think. I don't care what the clave thinks. My entire life I have done everything for them. I have done everything they told me to do. I follow every rule, accept every punishment. All of this, so that someday I can finally be myself and a shadowhunter. I hoped I could show them I can be the best shadowhunter that I can be and love who I want to love at the same time. But no. They don't care what I've sacrificed already. They're going to make me marry a woman. They're not even giving me a chance. I jog up the stairs to Magnus's apartment. I don't know how much of a chance I have with him, but for once I'm going to do one thing for myself. I'm going to  to try to let myself love him. For once I'm going to let myself go for it. I said it earlier and I'll say it again. Screw them. Screw all of this.

Clary passes me as I pace into Magnus's apartment. The doors open and flickering blue light streams through. I glance around for Magnus.  He's on the floor, barely holding himself up, magic pouring out of him onto Luke's body. He starts to sway. He's going to fall! Before I can think, I rush over and catch him. A warm feeling fills me. Who knows. Maybe this will be my one chance to hold him. He leans against my chest and I settle on the floor next to the couch, awkwardly trying to support him. He's gone limp from exhaustion. If he weren't the High Warlock of Brooklyn, I'd be worried. Just to make sure, I look down at his face. It's beaded with sweat and he's panting. I swallow. He's so beautiful. So flawless. His deep glamoured eyes stare up at me. Into me. It takes all my strength not to lean in and kiss him right now. His eyes catch on mine. We're staring at each other and I'm letting it happen.

Someone says something behind us and I'm back in reality. I tear my eyes away. Jace said Magnus asked for me, so there must be something. I shift so he rests against my thigh and chest. His warm weight settles against me and I can feel my heart speed. I'm really holding him now. I pull him closer and my eyes start to trace over him. The angles in his cheeks, his perfect lips. No. Not now. The moments over. I look away and hide my blush. He looks up at me, panting. I meet his eyes again. They look so desperate my heart aches. Who is he to make my heart ache.

"Help me. I need your strength." I look back at him and nod, getting lost in his eyes again.
"Take what you need." He takes hold of my hand and grips it lightly. I swallow and look away. How does he do this to me? I feel breathless and hold on tighter. Clary finally comes back and pours something into Luke's mouth, probably potion. Magnus's magic stops flowing from the hand that is not clutching mine. He collapses on top of me, panting heavily and tilting his head up so he faces me. I can't help but blush. "You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah." He breaths out. I notice then how incredibly hot he is. I bite my lip and tell myself to stop, I can't get hasty. I still have to think things through. We sit there for a few minutes, me holding him while he calms down. It's nice. Everyone else has left. The  commotion is over. It's quiet now. The only sounds are Magnus's heavy breaths. I hold him gently. His apartment is gorgeous. I've been here before, but not in the afternoon. Warm sunlight streams through the studio windows. The bright light however, is dampened somewhat by long draping curtains. Every spot in the room is filled with beautifully crafted objects. Carved doors lead to other rooms. Magnus's breath evens out. My eyes flicker down to him. He's smiling up at me. I smile a little in return. Then I help him up and he starts walking around like normal, only a little shaky. I stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with myself. I never know what to do in other people's houses. Then I spot all the blood on his nice couch. I quickly grab a rag and get to work scrubbing. He walks over, a drink held delicately in his hand. When he sees me, he smirks.
"You know I have magic for that, right?"
"I think you've exerted yourself enough for one day." I put the finishing touches and stand up, balling the rag. I look up at him.
"Drink break?" He hands me a cocktail, I've actually never had one before. I eye it for a minute, debating what I should do. He snaps his fingers and the surface burns blue. I raise an eyebrow and look at him. "To us." He says. I cautiously tip the drink into my mouth, almost choking on the flavor. It's the most bitter thing I've ever had! I screw my face up. Wow. I look back at him and try to swallow it. I can tell he's amused.
"Why did you ask for me... when Jace and Clary were both here?" I ask. I'm sure they could've helped in the same way I did. He turns away and looks out the window. It halos his hair perfectly. Why he won't straight up answer confuses me.
"Hmm, Jace didn't tell you?" Tell me what? I raise an eyebrow. "It doesn't matter. It was a lie anyway." He reaches up and plays with that perfect hair of his. I can't help but roll my eyes a bit.
"Are warlocks always this cryptic?" I mutter. He laughs softly.
"I'm not being cryptic. I'm being coy. Let me spell it out for you." He turns around to face me, tilting his head so he can look into my eyes. "I wanted to see you again." I feel my face get hot. Why? I shift my feet. This doesn't make sense. I know he's been flirting with me, but he can have anyone he wants. I'm not worth the trouble.
"Why?" I ask him, furrowing my eyebrows.
"Why'd you come?" My heart stops and then speeds. I can't look away from him. No. I can't do this. I know all afternoon I've been trying so hard, but now that I'm faced with it, I can't.
"I'm not sure." I'm having an internal war. I can't look away from him. I want this so bad, but I can't have it. I'm not being logical, I was foolish and let my emotions bring me here, and now I'm stuck. Magnus steps closer to me. I want to step back but I can't. A part of me wants to be close to him. He speaks again.
"For almost a century... I've closed myself off to feeling anything for anyone. Man or woman. You've unlocked something in me." He's staring into my eyes again. Shit. I start to breath faster. I'm trying to find words but I'm too stuck. I can't come up with anything that will say what I want. I'm starting to get a little lightheaded. I'm breathing faster. I open my mouth and close it again. I start to say something, then can't finish it. Then the moment of tension is cut with a sharp sound. It's my phone. Thank god. I quickly pick up. My mother's voice sounds from the other end. Something about getting back to the institute. I try to keep steady and calm myself.
"Hey. Hi, Mother. Of course." I hang up and turn back to look at Magnus. "Duty calls." I'm still trying to figure out what to say to him.
"Ah... Oh, the furrowed brow. Maryse must be recruiting you for something... unseemly." He does this thing with his expression when he stays unseemly. It's really cute. I have to say something. I swallow and my chest tightens. All the anxiety I got before my mother called pours right back. I have to explain to him.
"Oh, listen, Magnus, I..." I swallow and stutter.  "I wish I could... I just... I don't know what..." He presses his finger gently against my lips. I try so hard not to kiss it.
"I understand." He says. He looks into my eyes. Relief washes over me. I smile. I don't have to explain. "Stay for just one more drink? And then decide." I look down and nod. Somehow this offer seems safe. I'll just let myself stay a little longer. I lean against the couch and hand him my empty glass. He refills it.
"Thanks." I say. The drink is less bitter after that first sip. It's not bad actually.
"No need." He smiles. I'm starting to feel more relaxed. Something about the way he said he understood seemed so genuine. He leans against the table across from me. "So. I know mostly Shadowhunters are partial to one weapon in particular, what's yours?" I love talking about my bow. I relax more.
"I use the bow and arrows. It's a nice way to secure the space enough so that it can be handled up close." I must sound like such a nerd.
"Ah, the classic bow and arrows! I took a short class once in the English Countryside. I can still smell the fresh air. But that must be hard lugging that bow around. It's heavy." His eyes twinkle. I'm about to respond but my phone goes off again. I have no choice but to pick up. It's my mother again reminding me to come quick. I sigh and hang up. I look at Magnus.
"It's fine, go do your job." I smile and nod offering him my drink.
"Thanks for the... you know." I waved. I'm having trouble speaking to him. It's very frustrating.
"It's no problem." He takes the drink. I pause for a moment then make up my mind and turn to leave.