The Captain's daughter

Chapter Sixteen

Lucy

I'm sitting here feeling like shit, completely embarrassed and mortified for my behavior, and now to deal with all the guys who had just seen me at my lowest. I wanted to bury myself in a deep hole. I mustered all the strength I had and stood up on my feet, my legs shaky, causing me to stumble back, nearly toppling over again. "Thank you, guys. I'll just get going now." I moved my feet in a slow shuffle as it was the only movement I could will my body to do. And even that seemed impossible.
They all walked over to me, but I shook my head. "Please, don't hover around me right now. I am so embarrassed you guys saw that, and even worse, I tossed my cookies on you now, too, Jasper or Tommy."
"Lucy, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You were taken advantage of, and that is nothing you should be embarrassed about. And as for tossing your cookie on me, I think every one of us has tossed ours on someone, so please don't worry." Jasper said reassuringly.
"I just want to die. And be sucked into a hole." My head hung on shame.
"Lucy, you are hurting right now, you need sleep, and you'll feel better," Tucker said.
I felt my stomach tighten and the acid rising. I ran over to an alley and tossed my cookies again. After emptying everything out of me, I felt two arms pick me up and carry me. I didn't fight it; I was too tired. I closed my eyes and leaned my weary head against someone's shoulder.

. . . . . .

I didn't remember anything until my unsettled stomach rudely woke me up. I lay on the cold floor after being so sick. I felt someone lie next to me and pull me into his arms. "Tucker, that better not be you."
"Sorry, Lucy, I just can't leave you alone."
"Why do you even care about me? You tossed me away."
"It was for your safety. Trust me; it was the last thing I wanted to do." His voice whispered close to my neck, tickling the skin, making it hard for a moment to think straight. With my ragging headache and the nasty taste in my mouth, I almost forgot I was mad and hurt because of Tucker.
I grabbed the white porcelain seat of the toilet and stood up, and held onto the sink. I looked at my blurry reflection. I could see the black smudged makeup that ran down from my sunken eyes. My eyes were bloodshot, and my icky complexion was almost white.
Tucker came up behind me, and he tucked his head against mine.
"No..."
I pushed him back and walked out, and slid under the floral print duvet. I cover my head with the blanket.
"I'll be on the floor if you need me," Tucker said.
"I won't," I mumbled back then I was out again.

*
*
*

The morning came way too soon, the bright disgusting light hurting my eyes and head. "Come on." I covered my head with the blanket. I needed more sleep, but my stomach growled loudly, knowing that it needed food.
But the slight thought of food entering my body sent a shiver, and my stomach was tense in remembrance of the horrible night that I hope never to repeat.
"Lucy, get up!" I heard my dad's less than thrilled voice hammer back at me. I know I'm in trouble, or he's ready to tell me how bad I fucked up.
I tossed the blankets off and climbed out of bed, but my foot got tangled in the sheets, and I fell out of bed, landing on a hep on the floor.
My dad shook his head at me. "Lucy, you are a mess. Where the hell were you last night? What the fuck happened to your face?"
"Just..."
"...whatever." He looked so mad and not interested in what I had to say. He's done this time after time with me. Finding me passed out or not coming home, worrying about me every time I left, wondering where he would find me. But last night was the first time I have ever been in that kind of situation.
I walked off to the washroom and turned on the shower. I stepped in and let the hot water run over my hair. Then it cascaded down my body, covering me with its cleansing-ness. The shower definitely helped, but I was starting to remember all that happened last night, and it hit me hard to realize what could have happened and what did happen to me.
Tears stung my eyes. I slammed my fist against the tile wall of the shower, pissed at myself for drinking so much.
Deep heavy sobs built, and I couldn't stop them. I sunk to the shower floor and pulled my knees up to my chest, and hugged them tightly.
The pain of what had happened and what could have happened ran over and over in my head. I hadn't heard anyone come in, but I felt arms go around me and drag me into his body.
I knew exactly who they belonged to.
"Tucker, I can't forget what you did. It's not that easy." I whimpered.
His fingers played with my hair as I talked. I didn't stop him. But I couldn't just forgive what he did and what he said. Words hurt and I was shocked he could just end things like I was nothing.
"I'm not letting you go, Lucy. I was wrong. I had good intentions, but I know I hurt you deeply, so I am sorry. But I will make you see I care so very much for you."
I just gazed at the water as it ran down the drain. I didn't think there would be another man my heart would beat for again. Mine was beating again with Tucker, but now I am stuck with this ache that I am not good enough.
And after last night, I know I am not enough. I moved out of Tucker's arms and turned off the water. I stepped out and grabbed a towel. "I need space, Tucker."
"I can't do that, Lucy."
I saw him standing there with his clothes plastered to his body from the water. No, do not be distracted by his impeccable body.
"Well, I need time, and it will give you time to figure out your money issue." I walked out and slammed the door in his face. I grinned, feeling a little mean, but he fucking deserved it, but he earned brownie points for being sweet to me last night. All the guts do.
I quickly got dressed and left the room. I met up with the other guys in the hotel restaurant to grab some food before heading out onto the Bering sea. The guys discreetly gave me a once-over without asking how I was. They just gave me a kind smile.
"Lucy, I think you should stay behind." My dad broke the silence, and I was shocked.
"What? Why?" I asked.
"After last night, I think you need help. I shouldn't have made you come on the boat. I thought it would be good for you, but you disappointed me last night."
"Seriously? I had a shitty night last night and fucked up." But his eyes stared into my soul, and I knew he was right. I fucked up again. "Oh, fine, I'll stay."
"Captain, she's an asset to us on the ship. It's probably better she's with us than here alone." Jasper piped up.
Tucker walked in and grabbed a chair, and slid right up beside me.
"Don't try. He's already made his mind up. I'm sorry I embarrassed you. I'm sorry I disappointed you, but I am not perfect, but you don't know shit about last night. Guys, it was nice working with most of you." My eyes rested on Tucker's for a moment. "I'll see you around." I slid my chair out, but Tucker grabbed my hand as I stood up.
"Why is she leaving?" Tucker asked my dad. His hand was gentle with mine.
"She's not well, Tucker. She needs help, and the boat is not good for her, and apparently, you are not either."
"Fuck, you, dad." It came out before I could stop it.
"Hey, watch your mouth, young lady.'
"I'm going." I yanked my hand out of Tucker's and ran out.
"Lucy, come on. Stop running." I spun and pushed Tucker away.
"Stop trying to save me," I yelled.
"Lucy, I can't leave you. You need to tell your dad what happened last night."
"No, he'll just throw it back as I deserved it cause I messed up."
People were staring at me as I yelled, and tears slid down my face.
"If he does, I will knock him out."
"I just make a mess of everything."
"Fix it by telling him what happened."
"Okay, but if he makes me feel worse, I am leaving, and I will probably never be back."
He took my hand and dragged me back into the restaurant.
"Dad, can I talk to you in private?"
"Sure." He stood up, and we walked out.