To Begin Again

Chapter 5 - Permission To Go To Earth

Back on Asgard Loki stirred on his bed and found that he was more than a little flustered.  That had been a really close call, had Jane realised it was him?  That look she had given him made him uneasy.  The last thing Loki needed was for Jane to discover his secret trips to Midgard and tell Thor about them.  Heimdall had already told him that Thor was asking questions about him, trying to find out what was wrong and where he had been.  Heimdall had said Thor was concerned that he was up to no good, but that just wasn’t the case.  However, Loki knew from their quarrels in the past that once Thor got an idea in his head it was hard to dissuade him from it or persuade him he was wrong.

He felt the need for fresh air and so ventured from the Palace into the grounds, he looked around maybe a walk would clear his head.   The initial trip to Midgard had answered many of Loki’s questions but at the same time it had also left him with many more.  Loki felt the need for calm but where to find that on Asgard.  It was the time of day when the Asgardians liked to enjoy eating, drinking and making merry after the rigours of the day.  Loki however had no desire to get caught up in any of this so he slipped into the shadows of the buildings and quickly worked his way along the outer wall of the Palace heading for his favourite place.  When he was young he would go there to find peace after being teased by Thor and the others and at the moment that was just what he felt he needed.  It didn’t take long to get there and as he approached the forest the sun was low in the sky casting a colourful glow over the countryside.  Loki found his favourite spot under the big oak tree and sat down legs stretched out in front of him his hands behind his head.

As he sat there he closed his eyes as his thoughts swirled around his mind, it felt very full, full of odd phrases, clips of conversations, memories of days long gone ~~~ Frigga teaching him magic a smile on her face ever encouraging him on to bigger and better feats of magic and illusion ~~~ Heimdall’s words - She has a strength you cannot imagine ~~~ Jane saying to Jenny - you were adopted too ~~~ Jenny’s words, he had his heart torn to shreds ~~~ who abandons a baby for being small that is what they are ~~~ he was pushed over the edge ~~~ and for Loki sadness has fallen.  As Loki sat there the sun sank below the horizon and darkness fell.  He wasn’t aware of the passage of time just his confused thoughts and mixed emotions.  Suddenly as if from a distance he became aware of someone shouting his name “Loki” it sounded like Thor so he ignored it.  “Loki” louder this time “Loki where are you” he sighed it was Thor.

Loki opened his eyes and could see Thor approaching “I’m over here” he shouted in response to his name being called yet again.  Thor approached him anger blazing in his eyes.  Loki thought “Oh God Jane did recognise me” now he was going to have to listen to Thor ranting on at him this wasn’t going to be very pleasant.   In the past Loki would have retaliated but he had lost whatever spirit he once had for fighting with Thor.  All he wanted now was just to be left alone, he looked up “what” Loki snapped “what do you think I have done wrong this time” Loki spat at Thor “can’t I ever just be left alone?  Do you always have to come and find me?”

Thor looked down at him he could see Loki’s sadness on his face and felt his own anger subside “calm down Loki nobody has said that you can’t be left alone, but why did you not leave a message to say where you were going? On finding you missing father questioned me as to where you were he thought you had betrayed his orders and left Asgard again.  You have been known to sneak off before and it was only when we went to the Bifrost that Heimdall informed him that you were still on Asgard”.  Something was wrong Thor had not raised his voice or threatened only questioned.  Thor’s attitude was something Loki was ill prepared for as it was so completely out of character for him, so Loki averted his eyes looking down at the ground.  “Loki what is wrong maybe if you talk to me, tell me what’s bothering you I can help”.