To Begin Again

Chapter 11 - Connected By Magic

Back home once more Jenny collapsed onto her bed she hadn’t even got the energy to get undressed, every inch of her body ached and she felt terrible.  It had been a long time since she felt like this she rubbed her eyes they were sore and she could feel tears welling up again.  What she needed was sleep but unfortunately it did not come easily, it took her a long time but eventually she did fall asleep.  Her mind however was full of thoughts about Loki.  Jane was right about him he was the knight in shining armour she had always dreamed of as a child straight out of her fairy stories, the problem was that all those dreams were years ago.  Then her life had been turned upside down and Jenny’s faith in other people and relationships had been destroyed.  Over and over she kept seeing Loki’s face going from sadness to smiles, she knew in her heart that she had helped him but at what cost to her own peace and happiness she did not know.

Jenny had laid her life, her very soul open to Loki, given him access to secrets she had held from everyone some even from Jane, and now her old scars had been opened up again.  All her old fears that had been buried deep for so long had started to seep out and raise their ugly heads once more.  When she had held his hand and when he had touched her she had experienced feelings she had buried deep down inside promising herself never to let them surface again.  Loki had made her feel alive like a woman should and that terrified Jenny more than she cared to admit.  She had sworn never to let anyone into her life, no relationships for her because that only led to heartache and rejection and sometimes abusive pain.  She had known a long time ago that she didn’t want the pain of rejection or abuse if anything went wrong she knew she would not be able to handle that again.  So she had decided that she would never let herself get into that situation.  That however was then and this was now, before it had been easy there really wasn’t anyone in her life back then but now she had met Loki.

He was the most incredible person she had ever met in her life, even knowing what he had done in the past she knew she cared for him, knew that he was like her in many ways he had suffered so much pain but instead of letting someone help him back he had let it send him over the edge.  Jenny had opened her heart and soul to him today on Asgard in the hope that she might pull him back from the depths of despair, had it worked? Only time would tell if it had or not but from his change in manner tonight she thought it had helped him even in some small way.  The unfortunate outcome however of what she had done to help Loki was that now she was the one who felt lost.  She was sadden by the knowledge that she had found the man of her dreams, the most handsome man she had ever set eyes on but that she would forever be too afraid to admit him into her life.  Tears flowed once more as she accepted that she loved him and would always love him.  She got up, made herself a drink and took some more tablets she was beginning to understand why she felt so ill.  

Back in his room on Asgard Loki was relaxing on his bed he felt unusually happy tonight, he had spent the afternoon in Jenny’s company and she had brought a calm to him he hadn’t thought possible.  He felt sure he would sleep soundly however, when he did go to sleep he discovered he had been very wrong, his dreams were at first filled with visions of Jenny in the forest sitting next to him holding his hand, then of her sitting in his arms, happy thoughts.  Then dark clouds crossed the sky and a great sense of unease came over Loki.  They were walking towards the Palace hand in hand when Jenny pulled her hand from his but why?  This question bothered Loki he couldn’t understand why? It bothered him because he didn’t know what he had done wrong on the way back to the Palace, as far a he could see nothing had changed.  Then his dreams turned to images of them dining together.  Why after they had finished eating had Jenny said she felt ill and gone up to Jane’s room for a lie down?  Loki had the odd feeling that something was wrong but he didn’t know what or why.   He had felt better this evening, better than he had in a long time but now, back in his room on his own he could not settle.  Loki tried to shut these thoughts from his mind, it would be okay he told himself he would see her again in the morning he could talk to her and maybe he would feel better then.  He didn’t know why but somehow Jenny had a strange calming effect on him that no-one else did.