To Begin Again

Chapter 17 - Apologies

Thor and Jane left and shortly after the servants brought up food and drinks, Loki sat on the edge of his bed slowly stroking the back of Jenny’s hand with his thumb.  Slowly she stirs slightly then gradually opens her eyes looking around confused not knowing where she was Loki stroked her face. “It’s okay you’re back at the palace.”

She sat up “how did I get here?” covering her eyes as pain shot across them Loki held on to her hand tightly feeling the pain too.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine thanks I’ve just got a bit of a headache”.

Loki got up and fetched a drink of water “drink this you haven’t eaten and only had one drink this morning over four hours ago”.

“Four hours are you sure?” Jenny looked askance at him.

“I’m sure” he smiled “drink then you can shout at me for being so horrible last night, I’m sorry”.

Jenny took a drink then looked down at her knees “last night is gone please can we just forget it“, a single tear rolled down her cheek. 

Loki tilted her face “I didn’t want to hurt you and I have but you need to know I have hurt myself too”.  Jenny’s face was pale and showed no emotion at his words last night had left her numb.  “I need to tell you something but for now I am more concerned that you eat.  You are so pale and I am worried that you will become ill if you do not eat”. 

He held out his hand to Jenny but as she went to stand up her legs felt like jelly, Loki was there as always to catch her before she could fall.  He helped her to the sofa preparing a plate of food for each of them.  She didn’t really have much appetite but knew he was right she needed to get her strength back.  Loki was so very attentive making sure she ate and drank but also ensuring she took medication for her headache, he then allowed her to just sit quietly on the balcony resting while he sat nearby reading. 

Later in the afternoon he suggested they go for a walk before dinner, she stood up gingerly hoping her legs would not give way but they were okay.  They entered the palace grounds strolling together holding hands Jenny felt content, she had decided that if this was all he could ever give her then so be it, she had to accept that and just enjoy these moments of pleasure when they happened. 

They returned to Loki’s chambers to change before going to dinner, they found Odin in a very good mood full of stories of long ago.  After their first meeting Jenny had never imagined such an enjoyable evening in his company and it was late as they said goodbye and went to Loki’s chambers.

“Loki”.

“What?”

“Thanks for coming after me earlier. I shouldn’t have wondered off without telling someone where I was going” she entered the bathroom to get ready for bed, when she came out she couldn’t see Loki anywhere.  With a sinking heart she decided he was going to sleep elsewhere and wondered bitterly if he had sought out one of the Courtesans he had spoken about, it hurt to think he had chosen to spend tonight with someone else.  She walked to the bed and got in lying there she cried because she was afraid she would never have Loki’s love.  It was a long time later as she slept that the door to the chambers opened slowly and Loki returned from his walk.  He had gone for a walk because he needed to think, walked the grounds for two hours wrestling with his thoughts until finally coming to a decision.  If the chance ever came again he would not resist he would take Jane’s advice because he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Jenny. 

He looked down at her sleeping and lightly kissed her forehead “goodnight” he said before he went back to the sofa. They spent Sunday sitting in the forest reading then dining with the others then retiring to Loki’s chambers again.  On the Monday they ate breakfast then spent most of the day running and re-running the wedding ceremony.  Rehearsing again and again to ensure that they all knew their roles and places to be, by dinner Jenny was tired feeling strained from being this close to Loki but knowing it would not last.