To Begin Again

Chapter 10 - Feeling Unwell

Jenny felt like she was falling apart, felt that she couldn’t stay with him, she needed to get away to be alone with her hurt.  She stood up so quickly it took Loki by surprise as he was still in turmoil from the memories she had shared with him.  The next thing he knew she had started to run from him into the forest.  He hadn’t expected this and gathering himself together he stood up and started to run after her.  It didn’t take him long to catch up with her, his legs were a lot longer and she was in a place she didn’t know so was having to be careful.  Loki lightly caught her by the shoulder to stop her and slowly turned her round to face him but, Jenny would not look at him, she was crying and her whole body was shaking. 

“Jenny you should not have shown me those memories if it hurt you so much, I told you I did not want to hurt you” Loki said pulling her into his arms.  He lowered his head to rest on hers, he could smell the very essence of her and it disturbed him greatly, but he couldn’t pull away, “but I am very glad you found the courage to show me”.  He held her close to him wrapped tightly in his arms, she could cry for as long as she needed to he would not try to stop her or let her go.  Gradually the shaking subsided slightly as did the tears and Loki loosened his hold on her.  He tilted her face up to his and placed a kiss lightly on her lips “thank you Jenny” was all he said and picking her up carried her back to his special place under the oak tree.  When they got there they sat down together and Loki took Jenny in his arms again because she was still trembling.  As Jenny sat there in Loki’s arms she started to feel calmer but her arm was aching now more than ever.  She knew that her tablets were back in her flat on Earth so she gently rubbed her arm to try and ease the ache.  Loki was watching her closely “is your arm giving you pain?” he asked. 

“Just a little bit it’s been aching all day and I don’t know why.  It had started to ease off but then ever since last night it has been aching.  Still, I have to go back to the hospital on Monday so maybe they can shed some light on why”.  Loki moved her hand and replaced it with his own gently rubbing her arm using his magic to gently ease the ache.  

They sat there watching the sun sink lower in the sky neither of them saying anything.  Loki was enjoying the feeling he got from holding Jenny in his arms, but he had no idea why he was enjoying it so much, nor why he did not want to let go.  He looked at her nestled against his chest wrapped in his arms her eyes still slightly red from crying.  Why had she put herself through such pain again for him they had only ever met a couple of times he couldn’t work it out, it made no sense for her to do anything for him.  He had known she was adopted having eavesdropped on their conversation but now he knew so much more than that. He now knew of the pain of her parents dying then the joy of being adopted, followed closely by the pain and torment she had suffered as a young child and teenager at their hands, the anger that she felt at what they had done to her, and then the peace brought about by true friendship.  But worse than all this however, he knew of the fear that all of these things had left in her heart.  It had left a fear of allowing anyone close, of having a close relationship with someone not only because of the fear of possible abuse and hurt that might bring but also of being rejected. 

“We should be getting back” Jenny’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“What?  Oh yes it will be dinner time when we get back to the Palace, I presume you are staying to dine with us?”

“I believe that was the original plan”.  They got up and hand in hand walked back to the Palace Jenny was unsure how she felt about them holding hands at all, let alone in public like this, it was something she had never allowed herself to do before.  She was confused, part of her wanted to hold on to his hand forever because she felt comfortable with him, while the other part of her was terrified that she was allowing someone to get to close to her.  This part of her screamed out to her “he will reject you, you are nothing to him you’re just a little insignificant mortal”.  As they neared the entrance to the palace she suddenly pulled her hand out of Loki’s, he looked down at her confused by her actions, what had changed?  Why had she done that?