3:17 am, Los Angeles
Fifteen year old Lukas was sleeping in his bed. The window was open, letting in the fragrant air from the garden—air sweet with the perfume of gardenia and honeysuckle. On the other side of the garden, behind a wooden fence, three men in dark grey jumpsuits crouched, fiddling with an infrared spotting scope.
“Winston,” one of the men whispered, “What if he has a gun?”
Winston Crabfreak sneered with scorn at his underling and said “You cowardly fool! This is a teenage boy! And he’s QUEER!! Are you saying you think he’s hiding in there with a shotgun or something? He’s sleeping… or fucking himself… or whatever people like that do.”
“But WINSTON,” the man protested. “Why are we even HERE!?”
Winston sighed, then decided to speak of their mission. “We are here on the orders of Max Aphid himself.”
The two underlings gasped.
“He has ordered us to commence Plan B… the swift and merciless abduction of the foolish teenage idiot in that room. He is GAY!”
“How do we know he’s gay?” the other man asked.
“Idiot,” Winston hissed. “Because Max SAYS SO, that’s how come we know. He was randomly browsing online and saw a picture of this kid on his Facebook page, and he can tell that he deserves to die! We will steal him, throw him in the van, and take him back to New York, where he will be executed on live television. Max is preparing a scheme to hijack the airwaves when the time is right.”
The underlings looked at each other, smiles appearing on their faces. Winston was 30, while his helpers—Wally Lobsterweirdo and William Fishfool—were both 20. Standing at the ready was their armored van.
“Now!” Winston hissed, “Prepare the chloroform! Prepare the handcuffs! MOVE!!”
The evil men climbed over the fence and began creeping towards the house. Wally was gripping in the air with a pincer as he walked.
Winston saw this out of the corner of his eye and he whirled, slapping the man.
“WHAT are you doing with that you idiot!?” he hissed. Wally whined “I was only going to mutilate—“
“You will mutilate NOTHING! He is to be taken INTACT!”
Ashamed, Wally put away his pincer, and they continued to creep through the garden towards the house; towards the open window beyond which cute innocent Lukas lay sleeping peacefully…vulnerably!
3:17am, Ethan’s Secret Mansion in Boboville
Fourteen year old Omri Catbear was asleep, dreaming. He was cute. Suddenly, in his dreams, a vision came to him! He saw his friend Lukas—being tied up and thrown into the back of a van. He woke up with a gasp, eyes wide in the darkness of the room. “Oh Shit!” he shouted.
As you may or may not recall, Omri has been known to receive psychic plashes when his friends are in danger. He lurched and went tumbling out of his bed onto the floor.
Across the room, Barret Oliver woke up and mumbled. He was 13, and cute also, like an evil puppet. We love our Olly-Bear. Omri crawled over to Barret’s bed and began to grip at him.
“Barret, wake up!” he said.
“Huh? What… Omri, what is it?” Barret yawned.
YOU ARE READING
Ethan's Gang : Unholy War : Book I
AdventureWhen a group of evil yet sexy teenage boys is threatened by terrorists, they set out on a mission to wipe out their enemy, making a mockery of everything in their path. This is a vast and sweeping tale full of violence, love, mystery, goofiness and...
