Ethan's Gang : Unholy War : Book I

Chapter 9 - The Plane Crash

6:10am, 40,000 feet above Ohio

     Ethan pointed at the stewardess and said “I ordered a BOYSENBERRY Daiquiri, and this thing that you have presented to me tastes like ROTTEN PEACHES!! What is your problem!?”

     The stewardess gasped in horror.  The guy in the weird suit was about to throw the drink in her face, she was sure of it.  But before this could happen, an old woman came over.  “Excuse me?” she said politely.  “I believe that is my drink.  I ordered a Rotten Peach Fizz.”

     Ethan stared at the old woman.  The stewardess blushed.  “Oh, I;m sorry…yes you did.” She said.  The old woman seemed about ready to graciously take the drink from Ethan’s hand when she apparently went mad instead.  She SNATCHED the drink abruptly, then splashed it all over another passenger who happened to be walking past.  The unfortunate businessman screamed as if he’d been doused with acid, then went sprinting away down the aisle in horror.  He threw a glance back over his shoulder and shouted “You vile HAG!!”, then tripped over a meatloaf and went tumbling away down the stairs towards the bathroom.

     The hag meanwhile slapped the stewardess, then produced a bottle of perfume and tried to dump it on Wil’s head, but Kelly grabbed her wrist, which promptly broke in his grasp.  She screamed madly, then thrust her head forward, biting at the perfume bottle with her teeth.  Her teeth broke and fell out of her mouth.  Everyone was gaping at this spectacle with shock, confusion, pity and disgust. 

     With her other hand, the madwoman tried to slap Kelly, but his pal Josh grabbed her fingers, and they broke.  In fact, they came off in his hands.  He threw them in her face in disgust.  They bounced to the carpeted floor like dry twigs.  The hag moaned, then began hissing like an idiot.

     Ethan shouted at the stewardess “Get this madwoman away from us!!”

The stewardess grabbed the hag by the shoulder and pulled. Surprisingly, the old woman’s arm didn’t come loose, or even break. She went tumbling backwards.  Her hand came off in Kelly’s, however.  He waved it jokingly in Wil’s face. 

     “Oh Gross!” Wil and Burandon both shouted at the same time, causing them both to crack up laughing. 

     “Kellybear, stop playing with that hag claw!” Ethan comically scolded.  Kelly obliged, tossing it over his shoulder, where it landed in Brandon Call’s lap, he squealed with disgust, causing ALL the guys to crack up laughing.  ( there were ten of them in their group ).

     Meanwhile, the old woman had broken loose from the stewardess and begun to hobble maniacally across the cabin.  Her perfume bottle had fallen near Ross, so he picked it up and threw it at her.  The carved glass bottle hit her in the head and shattered.  The stench of decomposing vegetables flooded the plane, and five men in tuxedos vomited in unison.  The hag apparently favored the repulsive scene known as “Bad Smell #5".  Ethan wrinkled his nose in disgust.  This had gone on long enough.  He said “Kelly, Josh, do us all a favor and go bash that woman’s head against the floor until she dies, would you?”

     The eager, big-eared boys clambered up from their seats, but it would seem that another passenger was equally fed up.  The businessman who had been splashed with the madwoman’s Rotten Peach Fizz reappeared in the first class cabin– holding a boomerang! Without saying a word, he flung it.

     The boomerang, an 18 inch crescent of polished quartz, spun across the cabin towards the madwoman, who was screaming and belching, and it cut through her head, spraying blood and brain tissue onto the ceiling. The corpse wobbled weirdly, then fell over. The boomerang circled back across the cabin and the businessman caught it, then sat back down in his seat.