Ethan's Gang : Unholy War : Book I

Chapter 17 - Violence on the Subway

12:01 PM, The Harlequin Buttfreak Café, Manhattan

     The Harlequin Buttfreak Café was not half as weird as its name would suggest.  In truth, the place was a fairly normal, upscale restaurant, with a high-ceilinged dining room offering panoramic views of the street outside through a series of large windows, shaded by black and white awnings.  The tables were mostly filled with lunchtime patrons : office workers, businessmen. Men were cackling and drinking martinis as they ordered sandwiches, others were smoking pipes and reading newspapers.

     In one corner of the dining room, a far more unsavory group of people was gathering.  There was an arrogant man in a 5000 dollar suit, another arrogant man whose suit only cost 4000 dollars, a fat man with a ridiculous looking wig, a buck-toothed man in a tweed jacket, and a collection of teenage boys who were doing their best to not look like skaters or punks, which is what they naturally were.  It was, of course, the long-dreaded meeting between Max Aphid and His Dishonor, the Mayor, with their respective sidekicks. The Mayor's security force, a squad of cops headed by the weirdly named Captain Racken Pinyun, was holed up in a doughnut shop across the street. They were eating doughnuts and telling cop jokes.

     Max had used his influence with the owner of the Café to insure that nobody sat at any of the nearby tables, so they could discuss their sensitive issues in privacy. You see, the owner of the Café was a peculiar woman called Lucinda the Hungarian Blackmailer.  Her actual name was Lucinda Plascynski, but back in 1977 she had blackmailed a Hungarian man with the knowledge that he was actually from Yugoslavia. Why he cared enough to pay Lucinda the ten thousand dollars she demanded was a mystery, but he had, and ever since, Lucinda was known as The Hungarian Blackmailer.  And she had been a friend of Max's Aunt Gertude, before Gertrude died of polio and frostbite in the winter of 1984.

      So now Lucinda was happy to accommodate her dead friend's fat nephew, by dumping garbage on all the tables surrounding Max's, so nobody would sit there. She had done this even before opening in the morning, to be sure.  After all, she had told herself at seven that morning as she lovingly spread rancid braunschweiger on a table cloth with a spatula, There's no telling when some crotchety old bastard is going to decide to spend nine hours eating his breakfast.

 

     The Mayor, being a politician, started the meeting.  He indicated the arrogant man at his side and said "This is my assistant, Doctor Silus Blixxen."

     Blixxen gave a curt nod, a distinctively German gesture meaning a number of things in different contexts.  In this case, pleased to meet you. Max gestured at the bucktoothed man at his own side and said "My assistant, Manniken Horsegurch."

     Several of the ULB boys fought to keep from laughing-- the natural reaction at hearing the man's name.  Doctor Blixxen actually DID laugh. The mayor calmly said "Pleased to meet you, Mister---Horse…gurch?"

     Horsegurch fiddled with his napkin self consciously and stammered in alarm "Wh-why are you laughing? Why are you laughing at me?"

     "Silence!" Max hissed at him, then said "Alright gentlemen, I believe it's safe to say that yes, my assistant does have a silly name, but so what.  Let us discuss what we have come to discuss."

     He produced a single sheet of wrinkled notebook paper from his pocket, unfolded it, and began reading aloud. "Mister Mayor, my plan is a simple one, beneficial to both of us.  I am coordinating an organization whose goal is the same as that of your police force."

 

     The mayor sipped at his scotch, listening.