Ethan's Gang : Unholy War : Book I

Chapter 10 - Ugly Coco Headquarters

7:15 AM, Ugly Coco Headquarters, Manhattan

     Max Aphid still sat at his desk, reading his journal.  He'd decided to wear his wig for his meeting with Mayor Farbiss today, and it sat on his desk nearby.  Max's wig was not normal at all.  It was a peculiar orangish-brown turnip-like thing that he wore perched atop his bald head like a blob of melted wax, or rotten foliage atop an eggplant. He usually secured it with rubber cement.   As we know, the man is weird. 

     He sipped at his second cup of Ovaltine as he read the following hideous news clippings from his Journal.

March 15, 1998

( From The New York Times )

Police responded yesterday to a report of "agonized mumbling" in a grocery store in Queens to find a 17 year old boy mumbling in agony behind the produce display.  His nose had been cut off by unknown assailants.  The boy's two friends, also 17, were found dead in a nearby alley with their throats slit.  According to Sergeant Braunschweiger of the Homicide Squad, foul play is suspected.

May 20, 1998

( From The Boston Herald )

Boston Police responded to a call for help to find four 14 year old boys dead in a house.  Three had been tied up and apparently burned with lit cigarettes as some kind of diabolical torture, before being strangled to death with their own socks, which had been removed from their feet by the killers.   The fourth boy, who had placed the call to the police, was found dead on the front lawn with several large knives embedded in his back.  According to Detective Julius Mamba, a car with New York plates was seen nearby with the letters ULB painted on the side.  What this means, nobody knows.

July 25, 1998

( The New York Times )

16 year old Sylvester Kidboi was known in life as a street hustler, who sold his body in Times Square for money to buy drugs, or perhaps simply to survive. In death, he was known as a corpse.  His body was found at midnight in an alley by several friends, who police say are not suspects.  The cause of death is rumored to be suffocation.  Witnesses saw nothing, because there were no witnesses.  The case has been closed.  The funeral was held at the local 7-11 this morning.

September 30, 1998

( The New York Post )

Three unidentified teenaged boys were discovered dead in Central Park.  Police say the cause of death was "Blunt Trauma" caused by being stomped on by numerous attackers.  The evidence includes footprints found on the victims clothing.  Biddy McSwee, an old hag, claims to have witnessed the murders, reporting "around a dozen" youngsters with weirdly colored hair, some of whom also had skateboards, and who were chanting some kind of 'weird chant' as they trampled the three victims.   Anyone with information should report it to the local cop.  There is a 20 dollar reward, posted by the McSwee woman, who was offended by the violence she saw and wants justice brought to the 'chanting freaks', as she called them.

 December 1, 1998

( Goatbleat, Pennsylvania )

MURDER!! The serene calm of tiny Goatbleat, Pennsylvania ( population 6500 ) was shattered this morning as a woman ran down the street screaming the word "murder" repeatedly, before crashing through the window of the Sheriff's office.

 The woman, identified as Mandarin Orange MaMuendo, an exotic dancer from Pittsburgh, told the Sheriff that she'd found corpses at the local Dairy Queen.

     Upon investigating, Sheriff McButter found 5 boys ranging in age from 12 to 17, piled up behind the Dairy Queen, bound hand and foot with twine.  Preliminary reports indicate all five were suffocated, one at a time, with a big pillow found at the scene.  An offensive note was discovered stapled to the face of one of the boys, claiming that all five had been killed for being homosexual.  The FBI is investigating the note.  Howard Duster, a local cow farmer and father of one of the victims, screamed the following words at a reporter : "Homa-Seck-Shull mah ASS!  Dis ain't nuttin but a DRUG WAR, hah, BECK!! An' even if'n mah son DID like playin' around wit dem udder boys, it ain't makin' no stinky difference to me, t'wasn't no reason to KILL da boy!! Moses has no fury like fruitloops with molasses, the bastards! Rock!  RAWK!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!"