The Choosing

Chapter Twenty Nine

My eyes forced themselves open at the pain of being kicked. I could see the perpetrator and I even let out a cry, not unlike a dying animal. I didn't fight though. Nothing inside of me told me to move as I felt my ribs shatter. Other than pain, I felt nothing.

Even my logic and common sense could conspire up a reason to fight anymore. The flickers and flames of hope I had once possessed, the ones that kept me going, had been destroyed by the tsunami that was hell-bent on destroying my life.

Life had given me everything just to take it away. Sure, I had trusted too easily and made so many mistakes, but did bleeding out on concrete as servants mercifully beat me repay my naive debts? If I had the energy left to care maybe I would have pondered it.

"Let me die," I whispered to the sky.

Maybe the so-called God everybody spoke of would save me, but as I felt another rib shutter I knew I wasn't that lucky.

"Stop!"

I lazily turned my head to see the voice that dared to take away my possibility of death. Alistair's frame met me in all of his glory.

The guards halted their movements and made way for Alistair. I chuckled darkly.

"You're a little late to the party."

I could see the tears in his eyes as he whipped blood from my face, "I never wanted this."

The cracking of his voice made me laugh so hard I was sure my body was going to explode. There was nothing even remotely funny, but laughing seemed better than crying at this point.

"What are you going to do? Save me? Sorry Prince Charming but everybody already tried that. Now they're dead."

His blue eyes spilled water like waves from the ocean. If I hadn't been completely numb I might have felt bad.

"I did this to you," he said, swallowing. "I didn't know this-"

He shook his head, "Had I know they would have done this to you, and Nova, and Essence, I would never have done-"

"You forgot about Cade," I said bluntly.

"What?" Alistair asked.

"They blew his brain's out," I said.

My mind tried to resurface the memory so I squeezed my eyes shut. His face still entered my mind and with it came so many feelings that I couldn't handle. He was gone before I could say goodbye. We had our whole future ahead of us and now he was gone. Visions of his smiling face were quickly replaced by angry pictures of his brains all over the walls.

"Get out," I wheezed smacking my head.

I almost didn't notice the strangled sob of Alistair.

"He's dead," Alistair said.

His body shook and my eyes watered as well. I yanked my aching body up to him and practically draped myself over him as he cried.

"It's not your fault," I said in an attempt to comfort him.

"Yes, it fucking is!" He shouted.

"I got him banished. I told Elder Ryann everything about him." His breathing got more rapid and shallow. "I-I did the same things to you. I pretend to be your fucking friend so that I could spy on you. How do you- why did I? Why are you comforting me?"

I took a deep breath, "Because all of this wasn't you. She used that serum on you and manipulated you."

"So? I still fucking did it?"

I laughed, "This is my fault too. I could have just done what Elder Ryann wanted, but did I?"

"That's different..."