The Choosing

Chapter Thirty

It's been a month. A month since I woke up. I'm supposed to feel good and happy to be back, but I don't. Nightmares of everybody dying tortured me every night. I know that they are alive, but everything tells me they aren't.

Everything is different. Everybody is different. They aren't the same as they were in The Town. Here I'm supposed to know people I don't remember. I'm supposed to go to school and do things I don't remember how to do.

Essence won't talk to me here. She thinks I'm some creep. Cade isn't the same out here. He doesn't treat me the same, he treats me like I'm damaged. Everybody treats me like I'm broken.

"I'm not broken," I whisper in between sobs.

Here I felt like nothing. Nothing I did mattered. At least in The Town, the things I did had some importance.

I wince and close my eyes as the knife I was holding to my wrist sliced into my skin. I couldn't do this anymore. Nothing was the same. Nothing mattered.

Alistair bailed on me. He said I was 'too much to handle.' I had nobody now. Nobody saw me as a good person. They all saw me as a burden. They all thought I was crazy. Just because I saw Elder Ryann didn't mean I was crazy. Just because I didn't remember I could wear whatever I wanted here and freaked out didn't mean I was out of my mind.

I had to go to therapy now. I had to talk to this dumb woman that couldn't tell that I was lying if my life depended on it. I wasn't even allowed to see Nova unless my parents were with me. They thought I would harm her. That probably hurt me the most.

All I wanted was my life back. My life in The Town where I knew what everything was. My life where Cade loved me. My life where Alistair was my friend. My life where Essence was my mother.

Well, the way I got here was dying, so maybe it was the same here. I hoped it was the same here.

I opened my mouth and screamed soundlessly. There was nobody to save me.

I dug the knife into my wrist and pulled down. I couldn't do this alone. I couldn't do what everybody wanted me to do. It was all too much.

I couldn't just wake up, go to school, and have my life be normal. I couldn't just shut off hearing the voices and thinking of The Town. At least I had people that cared about me there even if they were dead.

I felt myself getting lightheaded as my blood poured out of my wrist. I pulled the knife down the other one, sobbing and screaming and pain. It didn't matter if anybody heard me anymore. It's not like they'd care. They'd be happy I was gone.

A smile finally pulled across my face. I could go home now.

"It's all better," I slurred.

Blood slowly painted my carpet as I collapsed. Floods of O-negative stained my white shirt. Red, just like my color in The Town. Good.

I heard the door opening. I was getting closer to The Town. If I could just die here I'd get back there. I was so close.

"Evie-Weavie are you okay? Evie? I heard you scream?"

"I'm coming Nova," I whispered.

I was so close I could hear Nova.

"Evie," she said urgently. "Why are you bleeding on the floor? Are you okay Evie?"

I felt small hands grip my wrists.

"Evie, y-you're dying. You hurt yourself, Evie. W-why would you do that? Mommy said not to do that anymore! She said you wouldn't!"

I felt sprinkles of tears on me as my eyes focused on Nova leaning over me. She was covered in my blood. She was trying frantically to make my wrists stop bleeding.