chapter forty one | uncovering history

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I COULDN'T BREATHE. Again.

The oxygen was escaping my lungs as fast as it entered. I felt the world spin around me as I struggled to get a grasp on reality. The doctors rushed into the room, I felt their hands on me. They strapped the oxygen mask to my face and they pushed me into a lying position.

I heard the cracks in the window grow. I couldn't let them shatter.

And as soon as I remember the pain entering my body, it left me. The sedatives take over.

It takes a minute for my vitals to calm down, reset. I closed my eyes, my body still shaking. I can't look at Leo, because this was the third time he had to see my like this. It was the third time he probably looked scared for my life. I couldn't see his expression again.

"Take a few breaths, Vera," Dr. Maxwell tells me. "It's going to be okay."

She always says that. She never comes back with something to make the pain stop. Hell, she can't even give me a sedative strong enough to keep me asleep for more than an hour.

She gets up from my bedside, muttering something to the nurses and other doctors in the room. I keep my head down, wanting to sink into the pillow and mattress and drown the sounds of the world out. "Watch her vitals," I hear the doctor say. I hear the footsteps exiting the room. And then I hear muffled sobs from the hallway.

Victoria, I think. I know she hates seeing me like this.

There's another sound in the room, a light tap hitting the ground every once in a while. It starts in the hallway and enters the room. I tilt my head a little, trying to see with the mask on.

Lysander hobbles into the room, crutches at each side. He didn't like being in the wheelchair and insisted on getting back on his feet - or, foot. I know he and Sophia went in the other room with a nurse to help him walk, even though he's used crutched before. I also think there was something about getting an x-ray.

He's by my side in seconds, sitting where Victoria usually sits, beside me. Lys places his crutches on the floor by my bed and holds my hand tightly. This was the second episode where he wasn't in the room when it happened. This was the first without an adult in the room.

"You're scaring us, Vera," he whispers. I know that. Of course I know that. "Tori isn't handling it well. Another one and she's going to lose her mind, you know that? We can't let that happen to her, okay Vera?"

I nodded slowly, but there was no way for me to know that I could keep that promise. The episodes were spontaneous, and the doctors weren't able to figure out what caused them. They don't know how to stop it. I can't get out of this.

Lysander's head turns to the doorway. Professor Lorcan steps in, wearing a lab coat that I'm sure isn't something he usually wears. He's guiding a crying Victoria, who clenched crumpled tissues in her fists. Lorcan grabs a chair and places it by my bed and makes my sister sit in it. Tori grabs my other hand.

Following the two is Atticus, finally out of his guard uniform. He slings his bag over one arm and pushes the empty wheelchair in front of him with the other. He heads towards Leo.

"Hey, bud. How you feeling?" he asks the boy. He steals a few glances at me, turning back quickly each time. There's hurt in his eyes.

Leo grumbles, if he says anything, it's inaudible to me.

"We're gonna leave your Mom and aunt and uncle alone for a little bit, with Lorcan, okay?" Atticus said. "They need to talk and I'm sure you don't want to be here while they do. We're gonna play video games with Avery and Jason downstairs, okay?"

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