notion • john murphy

52 - SELFISHNESS

[ SELFISHNESS ]

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The commotion outside was too hard to ignore. When Sayah and the others went outside the office, her eyes spotted him first in the crowd, blue eyes locked on hers, lips parted, hair neatly brushed back. He was alive, and so was she, thanks to him.

   He furrowed his brows, confused and she nodded at him, simple, short, enough for him to know. I'm okay. It'll be okay. She watched his chest rise and fall, and then her eyes shifted to beside him, where Emori stood, clutching onto his arm. She gave him one last glance before she looked away.

   "Jaha!" A man in the crowd called out, a young child in his arms. "What's happening?"

   Skaikru had been pushed and rushed into the room from the warriors in the other clans. People were confused, scared, and in need of answers. "That's everyone." A voice called out. "Close the doors." And with that, the doors were closed by some clan warriors. People didn't hesitate to rush over and bang against them.

   "Jaha, you wanna speak up?" Sayah called out to him as he stood on the other side of Bellamy. "Or are you happy for them to use your head as a battering ram?" She remarked, eyes serious. "Look at them, they deserve the truth."

   "Three out of four of these people are going to die tonight," Jaha replied, telling not only Sayah, but Bellamy and Clarke too. "Still think you made the right choice?"

   "You act like you've never made the decision before." Sayah snapped back. Jaha narrowed his eyes. "I've heard stories, Chancellor." She drawled.

   Jaha was left speechless.

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   "Hi." Sayah inhaled sharply, pursing her lips.

"Are you serious? Don't just. . ." Murphy didn't finish before he was embracing her tightly in his arms. She held him back just as quickly, burying her face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in. "I thought— God—"

She rubbed his back soothingly. "It's fine, I'm fine." She pulled away, giving him a weak smile. "I'm glad you're okay."

Murphy stared down at her softly, before he let out a tiny scoff, a small smirk forming on his face. "You're an idiot."

Sayah reeled back, frowning. "Excuse me?"

Murphy tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Don't ever try to sacrifice yourself for me—or anyone ever again. Sayah, you scared the hell out of me." His voice went quiet. "You just. . ."

"It seemed like the only option at the time," She reminded him. "I'm. . . I'm not sorry." She admitted. "I'd do it again."

"I don't think that's what you should've replied with." His hands fell down to her waist, resting there comfortably. Sayah ignored the familiar feeling in her stomach.

"Yeah, well, can't always get what we want." Sayah hummed, eyes drifting from his facial hair to his eyes. "Are you mad at me?"