notion • john murphy

MURPHY'S LETTER.

Dear John Murphy,

You're a total son of a bitch. And I'm in love with you.

When I first ever saw you, you had a mean smirk on your face, a cocky attitude, a smart tongue and taunting eyes. You still have all those, but it's lessened now, I suppose. I assumed you were a fighter—and you are—but you were also a coward pretending to be a man. You were unlike anyone I had ever seen before. And it made me go against not only my orders, but my better judgement. I was so interested, so confused—I wanted to know who you were.

I did soon found out.

When Lincoln woke me up from my sleep that night, telling me there was a Skyboy left alone in the woods, one I needed to capture for information, I didn't know it was you. I only realised the moment you yelled out into the dark—yelled out for me, dared me forwards. I realised I misjudged you; you were strong. A boy willing to go down fighting and I admired that. Then when I reached you, and held you tightly in my arms with my blade to your throat, you begged me to kill you. You begged me, John Murphy.

And maybe I am weak for admitting that if my orders were to kill you, I wouldn't have. I couldn't have. Not even then, not even when I didn't know your name.

I knew you hated me. I could tell by the way you spat answers out when I asked questions. It was fair. That was how things were then between Trikru and Skaikru. I should've hated you back. I should've hated the sight of you, ignored your constant pestering, your jokes, your complaints. I should've. . . but I didn't. Not for long anyway. My interest in who you were clouded my judgement, and I let myself get close. Do I regret it? No. Would I do it again? Yes, without a doubt. Even if I knew I was to lose you more than once, that only means to me that I had you.

I don't remember that exact moment I fell in love with you. It was a long process, and a hard one, believe me. I fought with myself many times over my feelings, over my thoughts, over the questions I wanted to ask you, over the questions I had even for myself. You were the enemy, and I thought if I put one foot under, that I wouldn't get pulled underneath but I was wrong—I was submerged. The moment you finally looked at me in a way that expressed not hate, but something as simple as tolerance, I went insane! It meant more than I ever thought it would, and it terrified me.

I love you. I'm in love with everything about you. You think you don't deserve it but you're wrong. You deserve it all, hell, you deserve it and more. You deserve it and better, John Murphy. I love your humour, your strength, your wit. You are unlike anyone I have ever met. I'm never going to love anyone else the way I love you—I don't think I'll love anyone else at all, as crazy as it sounds.

If I die from this nightblood testing thing, I don't want that to be the case for you. I want you to love someone else if I die, don't be stuck up on me, do you know how silly that sounds? Only I get that luxury to love a boy and no one else.

I hate to admit it, but Emori might even be kind of good for you.

No, nope, never mind, I wish I could erase that sentence. Maybe I'll cross it out but then it'll make the page messy.

Before I met you, I only had Lincoln and a sword in my hand. I knew nothing else. You changed that, and I am forever grateful, and I will never forget what you did. Even though you probably don't even know yourself.

I'm not asking you to forget me. I'm just asking for me not to be all you know. You deserve to be happy all the time. You deserve to smile. To laugh. To love and to be loved.

I'm not going anywhere, John Murphy. No matter what happens, I'll be there. I'll always be with you.

Thank you for everything, Skyboy.

Yours always,
Sayah.

P.S. Lincoln did actually like you. Somehow.

༺═──────────────═༻

a/n

HI. HELLO.
SO I KNOW ITS BEEN 84 YEARS BUUUTTT
long story short i havent had time to update due to:
- i dont remember s5 so i gotta rewatch it before writing so i know what the hell im doin
- i havent finished the six years time jump moments etc
- depression been kickin my a*s
- school
- depression again 😼

so i thought i'd post
this bc why not :) its tute n overly cringey ;)
IM WORKING ON SUMN ELSE FOR THIS LIL BOOK TOO SO GET HYPED.
+ LUNA'S LETTER WILL BE POSTED TOO

I MISS U GUYS SO SO MUCH
PLS DONT THINK THIS BOOK IS OVER.
im trying my best okay <3

mwah mwah I LOVE U ALL PLS STAY SAFE