The Ivy League

The Ivy League Part 39

Note from Moi:

Hey, all! Long upload :) I usually hate author's notes in the beginning, but this time I have to tell you that, YES, I know that some of the lines in this part you might've heard before. I've heard them from a crazy amount of places and people, so trust me, I KNOW I didn't say these things first. But it works, and it's funny, so enjoy! :)

          Dinner was awkward.

          “Cor, please pass the stuff that makes me sneeze,” Timmy asked politely, and I handed him the pepper.

          “Many thanks,” he said formally, right before the bottom came off and a mountain of powdered black pepper landed on his salmon. David snickered, but looked ashamed when he caught my eye. I knew it was his doing. Jared usually goes for more subtle things, like olives on chairs, salt in pudding, that kind of thing. Timmy gave an enormous sneeze, spraying pepper dust into the air.

          Eyes watering, my uncle called for Rebecca, who opened the windows, removed Timmy’s plate, and gave him a new one.

          “Eat me, David, eat me!” Jared said squeakily, making the salmon’s head move like it was talking. David beside him grinned, but they both wilted under our dad’s glower.

          “Jared, you’re a pig,” I informed him calmly, but only when the grown-ups turned back to their conversations.

          My dad looked over at us in exasperation. “Kids, please,” he said, “What happened to best behaviors?”

          My brothers and I stared at him blankly.

          “Is that a trick question?” Jared finally asked, and this time my mom sighed.

          “What is going on with this generation of kids?” she asked, looking at a sympathetic Julie. That annoyed me; why was Julie getting involved here?

          “Well, let’s not forget who raised us, shall we?” I hinted, and my brothers snorted into their plates. Our mom looked affronted.

          “I think your dad and I did a wonderful job of raising you!” she declared.

          “Then we’re kind of failing to see the problem here,” Jared inserted while David nodded vigorously.

          “And you show me scary movies!” Timmy blurted out, eyes wide.

          My mom turned pink and my dad coughed. My uncle looked amused at his brother’s bad parenting.

          “We do not!” my dad protested feebly.

          “There’s nothing wrong with Cinderella, or Snow White, or…” my mom trailed, choosing to ignore the fact that Timmy had seen Lord of the Rings when he was only four. But her examples gave Jared plenty of ammunition.

          “Oh yeah, nothing wrong at all,” Jared interrupted sarcastically. “Cinderella snuck out to a party…”

          “Snow White lived alone, with seven men…” I added.

          “Pinocchio was a liar,” David cheerfully helped out.

          “Tarzan walked around nearly butt-naked…”

          “Now, really!” my mom finally exclaimed, pink in the face.

          “We’re just pointing out the corrupted values you’ve been instilling into our youthful minds,” Jared said innocently, eyes wide.