fight for me

lovesick

I picked up my phone, my finger hovered over Harry's name. I put it back down again. Frowned. Shawn noticed. "Hey, stay for dinner, my friend's coming over, maybe you'll get along." He smiled and got up to make dinner while I didn't even move or glance at him. I have no idea how long I stayed in that position, head down, eyes closed, heart hurting, but it must've been long enough for Shawn's friend to arrive.

"Shawn!" His friend cheered as he grabbed Shawn in for an awkward high five to hug handshake, one that only looks cool when planned, and this one wasn't. "Tristan." Shawn smiled, turned to me. "This is Niall."  Tristan looked familiar, I could have sworn I'd seen him before. I stood up, grinned as I stuck my hand out.

"Hey, Niall." He laughed, his grey dyed hair moving across his forehead as he shook his head, he removed some of it from his eyes. Then I remembered why he seemed familiar, he was the MC at the bar where I met Harry. "How's Harry?" He grinned, teased. "Getting dirty?"

I stopped, stared at him. "Uh.." I looked around. "No." Tristan laughed again, his raspy laugh echoing throughout Shawn's rather small house. We sat the table as Shawn finished arranging the cutlery. Tristan sat in front of me.

"You must feel lonely," He let out a snort. "Sucks." I thought he was joking so I laughed it off, turns out he wasn't. This was Tristan, no filter. I shrugged.
"Kinda." I played with my napkin, folded it. He spoke again.

"It must suck a lot! I can't imagine having my other half all the way across the world. He could be cheating for all you know!" He scratched his head, I shrugged again and excused myself, heading to the bathroom. I leaned against the sink, wondering how in the hell Tristan knew about Harry and I. Maybe Harry told him, maybe Shawn did. Shawn, why did Shawn decide to invite him last minute?  I flushed to pretend I used the bathroom before I came back out, Tristan starting to head for the door. "See ya, Niall!" He yelled, raising his hand for a high five. I ignored it and watched him leave, sat on the couch as the door closed.

Shawn asked what I thought of him. I smiled. "I like him," I didn't. "He's cool," He wasn't. "Pretty nice, too." Lie. Full-on lie. Shawn sighed.

"I'm sorry you got offended by the things he said, you need to learn to take a joke." I raised my eyebrows, a joke, me? I stayed quiet, didn't really wanna have an argument right here with Shawn, I was in his house, his couch, with his blanket draped over me while sipping wine out of a glass that belonged to him. I didn't want to seem ungrateful, starting a fight right there and then. I was okay.

"Okay," I muttered, nodding. "I will." And that was it, Shawn stopped talking, his face softened. Sat beside me. I looked at him, stood up, handed him my glass. "I'll see you tomorrow." I left, not even giving Shawn enough time to answer as I rushed back home, if I'm being honest, I don't really remember what happened. I remember crying, wanting to hold Harry's jumper that he forgot and ending up crying myself to sleep to his song.

When I woke up, it was already 2 am, I had slept for 7 hours with nothing except Harry in my dreams. I just wanted him, holding me, kissing me, telling me I'm his baby. But that wasn't happening as Tristan said, he could be cheating for all I know. That thought hurt.

I walked downstairs, still not being used to living alone, grabbed the remote and sat down. The couch was old, the TV wasn't, the movies were. I put on a movie, one that reminded me of Harry because I couldn't do any better. I relaxed, made myself a mug of hot chocolate as the opening scene played, sat back down. I watched the movie in silence, it had made me laugh, cry and snort before but now? Now I sat there, sad and lonely, with no emotion. No feelings. Come on, Ni, stop moping around like some lovesick teenager. I turned the TV off and got my phone to see if there were any places I could go to at this time of night, there wasn't. I would later learn, nothing good ever happens after 2 am, I should've gone to bed.

I got up, put on a coat and left. I walked down the street and saw a couple making out in the park, I growled under my breath. That could've been us, I thought, as Harry could actually hear me. I grabbed my phone again, called Harry. No answer so I left the stupidest voicemail I've ever left.

"Listen here, Harry!" I growled, leaning against a wall, "If you think you can just leave and never call, you're very wrong." I raised my voice, almost yelling. I sounded drunk. "We're through. Go fuck Karen, dumbass." I hung up. "Wait." I stared at my hands before I left him another voicemail. "Okay, sorry I take that back, you're gay. Sorry, sorry. I love you." Hung up. Geez, I was stupid, even more so when I called him again. "Okay, but we're, like, still over because I can't handle this." I hung up for the third time. I walked back home, feeling nothing but regret once I was back in bed. Fuck it. I called him again, no answer so the fourth voicemail was being said. "Okay, I'm really sorry. I love you. I really hope you--" Dead. My phone died and the last thing I said was 'We're over.' I plugged my phone in but fell asleep before I could call him again. I felt like shit, so much so that I woke up the next morning and broke down into tears.