Trouble

|Chapter Two| Agnus Castus

[Agnus Castus] : coldness, indifference
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I stare at my childhood best friend, my first love, my first rejection, and heartbreak...

The one that got away.

Doesn't he recognize me? Doesn't he see the old me in my eyes?

And do I want him to recognize me?

Well...yes. Why wouldn't I?

Okay, maybe?

Alright, NO! I don't want him to recognize me.

How in the world are we even going to greet each other? With an awkward hug? A slight handshake?

How am I going to explain why I stopped writing to him and accepting his calls all of a sudden?

How am I going to explain why I ignored him for so long that he had to just give up and stop writing to me?

I have the answers of course, but they are really silly now that I look back, even though I don't really regret it.

That day was the second worst day of my entire life, and it all happened within a single freaking week. The week my whole life turned upside down.

Besides, I don't want him to know. I don't want him to know he broke my heart that day.

None of it is going to change anything anyway, because both of us have changed. Especially him.

His eyes tell me he's not the same kid who could watch me dance ballet for him in my ridiculously cute tutu dresses for hours.

I don't think he's still the kid that took care of me, got angry when I ran away from everyone, and especially from him, just because I was upset.

Now that I think about it, that's probably why I fell for him.

I fell for him because he was the one who could find me. He always found me.

Of course, back then I was too young to know what falling for someone meant.

But I knew that there was something in him that made me want to be around him all the time.

I could ditch the world just to spend a couple of more seconds with him.

I could skip all the best birthdays with the greatest cakes just to stay with him a little longer. And as a kid, it IS saying something, isn't it?

Like the naive kid that I was, I used to think of him as mine all the damn time. I thought he belonged to me, only me.

I got angry whenever other girls would try to play with him, talk to him, and even when they gave him some snacks. I was jealous of girls his age because they were going to school with him.