𝖼𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗁 𝗑 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

𝖽𝗒𝗌𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗂𝖼

i have never really written about this topic before so... sorry if i portray it wrong if that makes sense?

♪listen before i go (slowed)- billie eilish 
request for @xMomoRiinx 

and thank you for 6k reads!! <3

y/n~ your name

c/n~ crush's name

c/l/n~ crush's last name

c/s/n~ crush siblings name (make it whatever gender you want though i used 'she')

♡︎

"Hey Y/N, come in! You're soaking wet."

I smiled gratefully up at C/S/N and pulled of my jacket, the door shutting behind me. My coat, unfortunately, didn't have a hood so my hair and clothes were dripping onto the carpet. 

"Do you want anything to eat? Drink?"

"No thanks, I'm good. Though I kinda need to use the bathroom so..."

C/S/N pointed to a door on the second floor, directly above the staircase. 

"Our other bathroom is being fixed so you're gonna have to use that one." She walked back into the kitchen and sat down, opening up her textbooks. "Meet you when you're done?"

"Yep." I replied and made my way up the stairs. I shut the door and ~did my business~. Once I was done I started to wash my hands, staring up at my still flushed face from the rain and cold in general. I could hear faint... sniffs from the other room? 

"What's going on..." I whispered, pressing my head to the side of the wall. The sniffs were much louder and I could tell that someone was crying. 

I unlocked the bathroom door and cautiously knocked on the door of the next room. The sniffing stopped and I heard rustling, like that person was trying to quickly cover up something, before the door opened. It revealed my crush, C/N.

"C-C/N?" I yelped in surprise. My cheeks turned even redder and my shock only increased, even though I already knew that he and C/S/N were siblings so they obviously lived together.

"Oh um hi... Y/N." He muttered. He was still roughly wiping his eyes with his sleeve, the redness around them making it extremely obvious he had been crying for a long time.

"Do you want me to go or..."

C/N silently retreated back into his room, beckoning for me to follow him. Still confused, I shut the door behind me and joined him on the floor. Tissues were scattered everywhere as well as some sheets of paper, filled and filled with notes or diary entries of some sort.

"Are you ok? I heard you crying from the other room."

C/N kept his gaze fixed on the floor. His eyes were starting to glisten with tears again and he had curled his hands up into fists. 

"I don't know how to feel right now. I feel so uneasy and so lost I- just don't know what to do, Y/N."

I was at a loss for words and how C/N had just come out and said that to me. We were never really that close, just the odd greeting when we saw each other at school and small talk and such whenever I came to the C/L/N household. 

"I can't keep this from you can I? Because whether you know it or not I really like...you. I'm scared. Scared to tell you because this might change how you feel, if you have feelings for me in any way that is, about me."

"Keep what from me? C/N..." I trailed off. I was starting to cry myself. I didn't exactly know why but seeing him like this, when he was usually really happy and lighthearted, made me want to cry next to him. Just cry and cry even though I didn't know what he was crying about.

"I'm not a boy Y/N. I was born a fucking girl. But-"

He roughly grabbed my wrists and squeezed them. It hurt but I didn't do anything. Pain was etched onto his face, it was so blindingly obvious. He met my eyes, tears finally spilling down his cheeks as he took in my face. Examining me to see how I had reacted.

"- I'm a boy I tell you! I've always been one I- My parents refuse to believe it. They say I'm just a tomboy: 'This is my daughter. She's a bit of a tomboy please excuse her.' they say. They just won't understand! C/S/N is fine with it but I know she isn't completely happy either. I don't know how to feel, Y/N. Am I a disappointment? What am I doing wrong?"

C/N gulped and let go of my wrists, lying down on the floor with his arms over his face. He was shaking. Out of anger? Or tears? I didn't know. I lay down next to him and took his hand, C/N turning to look at me in surprise at how close we were and how... I didn't turn away in 'disgust'.

"No. Stop."

"...stop?" C/N whispered. His tears had subsided and the room was just silent. A peaceful type of silence.

"Stop doubting yourself- for gods sake C/N. This doesn't change anything. You're perfect. Don't let anybody say anything to make you feel this way. Cry all you want if it makes you feel better but don't let anything anyone says get to you at all. They can piss off to the point they'll never come back."

We lay there for another few minutes or so, C/N's hand still in mine. He sat up out of nowhere, pulling me up with him and embracing me in a tight, warm hug. He was smiling. His tears over and instead his usual confident expression on his face. My face broke out into a smile too and I hugged him back even tighter, happy that he had listened to what I'd said.

"Thank you. Thank you Y/N. Really." He whispered against my ear.

"No thank you, C/N. You see? Out of every storm comes a rainbow. And I like you too... nothing will ever change that."

C/N nodded and opened his mouth, like he was about to say something, but I just calmly shook my head.

"I just want you to be happy with yourself."

♡︎

sorry sorry sorry sorry. i probably did this wrong aaah i am getting worse by the chapter :')

~peachy x

(1079 words)

(Edited 17/07/20)