Miss Lynn +18

Chapter 6

"Well, what are you going to do?" Kacey asks me after I fill her in about Alex.

"I'm not going to call him." I say as I look down at his card continuing to pace back and forth, while Kacey watches from the couch.

"You're being ridiculous." Kacey isn't one to hold anything back. "It's just a date. He isn't like he's asking you to marry him."

"I can't think straight when I'm around him." I admit. "Every time I see him, I imagine his naked body under his clothes. And every time I hear his voice I remember what it sounds like filled with lust while we would fuck."

I can't stop myself from thinking about him. How his crooked smile, made my whole body erupt with goosebumps. How he always paid attention to my wants. My needs.

She looks at me knowingly.

"I can only imagine what would happen if I went on a date with him. I would lose all sensibility." I confess as I join her on the couch.

"Like you have been doing such a good job already." She shakes her head, laughing.

"I know! That's why I can't add anything romantic to this." I say hesitantly. "I don't think I could handle it." I shake my head, "I know I can't handle it." I correct, not making eye contact with her.

"I feel like there is something you aren't telling me." She says gauging my reaction.

I turn toward her on the couch and take a deep breath.

"That break up was hard on me." I reveal. "I know I said I bounced back pretty quickly after because I knew breaking up with him was for the best. Especially when I wanted kids and he didn't. So I just accepted and moved on." I give a dry chuckle "If only it was that simple."

"Break ups are hard." She says sympathetically. "Especially when it's your longest relationship. And your only serious relationship. You can't keep denying that it wasn't."

I smack my lips together. "Which is why I've been struggling." I take another deep breath. "When I broke up with him, he didn't try." I say disappointment filling my whole body. "He just left." I shrug my shoulders in defeat. "He never once reached out... to fight for me, or even try to get closure. I even reached out. Twice. It was complete radio silence."

"Sweetie," she says pulling me in for a hug. "I'm so sorry." She says as she is rubbing my back.

"If he would have tried, I would have taken him back." I whisper to her. Finally admitting out loud and to myself how deeply I felt for Alex all those years ago.

I give her one more squeeze before pulling away.

She looks at me with sincerity in her eyes, not saying anything.

"But he didn't." I say breaking the silence. "And here we are. Him back in my life and wanting to give me some sort of explanation. While I am trying to protect my heart, but my damn hormones can't control themselves."

"I think you should reach out." She says giving her two cents. Which of course I'm not surprised. "Just for you to get some closure." She justifies. "I think it would be good for you." She says smiling.

"I'll think about it." I say honestly.

"Okay, so what should we watch on this fine Saturday night?" Kacey says looking through our list.

*_*_*

I'm in bed staring at Alex's number. This has been my routine since he gave it to me, a whole week ago; get ready for bed, stare and contemplate reaching out, deciding against it and going to bed only to have a dreamless sleep.