The Wall Between Us

Chapter 19 - I'm not Okay

I used to be fine in my loneliness
but something
or someone
snapped me out of it
and showed me company. What it's like to feel at home,
and so the going on by myself part wasn't as easy anymore.
Seasons happened and things got colder and harder and suddenly I found myself smoking circles in the air
by myself in the snow
and I was not okay.

Charlotte Eriksson; You're doing just fine.

ENITAN

"Sorry, Dad, but I can't make it home today," I said, pushing away the silk duvet and rolling the most part of my body that could to the edge of the bed. It was almost noon and I still hadn't left the bed-or closed my eyes. I'd tried to find sleep all night without any luck and spent most part thinking about Nathan's offer two days ago-maybe his apology was sincere and I could count on him. Maybe thinking of a future with Jameel so soon was just my selfish way of looking to repair my already damaged reputation in society.

"What is wrong?" He asked with concern in his voice. I placed the phone on speaker and pushed myself off the bed.

"Nothing!" I strode to the window and opened the large drapes, smiling at the breath-taking beach scenery, I could never get used to it

'Wait till your second week here.' Nathan's mum had said.

"I can't take such a long trip today," I continued, walking to the silver ornate rectangular mirror by the wall. I took in my reflection and snuggled my robe from the sheer horror; puffy eyes and a face as round as a football. My bump was only beginning to show, yet I felt like an extra large balloon on a stick. Damn you, Nathan. "I feel bloated. What is so important that you need to see me?"

He heaved a sigh of disappointment. "Maybe I'll feel less better by the weekend," I quickly put in. Truly, I did feel bloated and couldn't endure a drive from the Island to the mainland today but most importantly, I couldn't miss my lunch with Jameel. I needed to ask him face to face.

"I can't have your mother around till the weekend," he muttered.

"Have my mother around'?" I asked baffled.

He went quiet for a while then replied, "Yes. She's here and insists on seeing you."

"What?" My mouth fell open. Frustration quickly replaced my surprise. "Wait-you let her in the house!"

Who was she to come back to Lagos and make requests like nothing happened-after she'd sworn to never look back on our poor pathetic family-so she called it.

"She's in the restaurant-as a customer, we're dealing with low patronage already," he sighed, I could tell he was either scratching his beard or afro, a habit for when he was caught in a tight position. "I can't create a scene."

I lowered my head onto my hands. "After all this time-what does she want?"

"You should ask her in person."

"Dad, I'm not coming!"

"Look, your sister-in a foolish attempt to prove whatever point, may have bragged to your mother that you were pregnant for a billionaire," he enunciated the last word with disdain. "I guess she's here to confirm."

"Tolani!" I bit my thumb. What a silly thing to do. Little wonder she'd refused to come home from school, using project work as an excuse.

So what if our mum had left us to start a new family with someone richer, it didn't make this a competition. I'd warned her in the hospital after she'd fantasize all day about us joining the big leagues through my child, being a baby mama for a billionaire was nothing to brag with, especially when that billionaire was getting married to another woman in few weeks.