Love Undefined: A MaxTul Love Story

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brotha

Yes, I call him The Monk sometimes.
Because he chants and prays all the time.
In the morning, at night, before filming, at fanmeetings.
He's just wonderfully religious that way.
But I don't call him that for You to call him for an ordainment?
You're taking him away from me for a whole month!
Ok, three weeks.
Almost a month.

Sigh, who am fighting like this?
He is God after all.
Everything is as He planned it.

***

"You can go visit him, y'know," Aim said out of the blue.
Breaking his riverie.
The gang was out for coffee that morning.
"Huh?" Max replied.
"Tul. You can go visit."
"I can?"
"Yeah, sure. We all know you're missing him bad, even if it's only been a week," Aim rolled her pretty eyes. "You just need to ask the monastery where he is, bring some tributes and go visit."
"Oh? I didn't know I can do that."
C'Game, Maeng, Tomo and Olive-chan were all there.
"Sure you can," Aim smiled. "My uncle and aunt did that with my cousin once. We can go with you too, if you want."
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind going," Tomo said. "Take some pictures of you two and you can update your IG. You've been declared socmedia MIA if you don't already know that."
Sure he did.
Fireflies have been saying - Tullie goes for his monkhood, and Max goes missing.
He hasn't been in the mood, tbh.
He didn't know he'd miss his bro this bad.
His days seemed empty, with no Tul to hang out with, talk to, even just to text.
The boys have been asking him to go clubbing or drinks with them, but Max declined every time.
Maybe visiting his brother would be a good thing.
And would bring him back to the world of the living.
"Ok," Max looked up, smiling brilliantly at his posse. "You guys come along with me, ok."

***

He's here.
The brat is seriously here.
Drove 2 hours away from Bangkok to this hidden monastery, just to see me.
And I felt like my heart would burst.
Along with the whole gang, no less.
But my eyes focused on only him.
That's not good, isn't it?
That's one of the reasons I decided on this pilgrimage, didn't I?
To cleanse myself.
Of any unholy thoughts about him.
Can I say he's my creation?
No, I definitely can't.
He's better than me, in so many ways.
But can I say I helped nurture him to be who he is today?
No, not really, cos he help grew me as a person too.
All I can say that I thank Buddha for giving me the pleasure of seeing this boy blossomed right before my eyes.
The quiet shy boy I saw two odd years ago is long gone.
For the better.
In his place is this sweet, unquiet ray of sunshine, who never fail to make the people around him laugh and smile.
And because of that, I have to get as far away from him as I possibly can.
He's growing onto me too much for me to bear.
Yes, I'm undecided.
But he's straight.
So I don't want my affections for him grow into something more than that for a younger brother.
A friend. A colleague.
I don't want my extreme fondness for him to be misread by anyone.
Especially by him.
And I don't him him to be uncomfortable with any actions or misactions from me.
Conscious or unconsciously.
I don't want him to shy away from me.
I don't want to lose him.
But yet he's here.
Looking uncharacteristically hesitant.
I can't help but smile, and slowly walked towards my Max.