Ridiculous Essays For Random People

Bear Attorneys

Have you ever asked yourself what could get you out of any situation?

Have you considered a bear?
If you have a bear around you, people will leave you alone. You don't have to tell them it's trained/tamed. If you use a bear on people, it will get you what you want with none of the hassle! If a bear attacks a rival, it's considered a wild animal attack and you don't owe a thing.

This is why I think bears should be given the opportunity to practice law. With a bear in the courtroom, it's a guarantee you'll win your case! What judge could deny a rampaging bear what they want? Not any that value life and safety, which is...99.9% of the population. (There's always that dodgy few...that .1%). Bears always have a 100% customer satisfaction with incredibly affordable rates...food! They can be paid entirely in food, which makes them much more available to those in need. Why settle for a city funded lawyer when you could get a top rated one in the U.S for just a sandwich? This could improve a vast majority of lives for people everywhere, as well as give the power to the people in the court room. Bears are somewhat easily accessible and occasionally friendly. As long as there's food on the premises, bears will be willing to work with you for the results you want. No paperwork (because bears can't read), no financial consultations (because bears can't talk...or do math), and easy results (they can do that). Giving bears this opportunity will allow them to further advocate for their environment and protect their habitat within the court of law. These creatures are amazing and by enabling them to go to law school or simply practice law, we are heightening their opportunities as a species. For years, bears have tried to be a part of our society. They try to join our hikes,campouts,picnics, and even drop by for a pizza (*true story, look it up!). By giving them this power to join our governmental process, this shows that we care for the bears and they are accepted in our society. Times are changing! Let's push for BAs (Bear Attorneys) and the next Beary Mason! The furry future is possible!