My Sunflower *h.s*

19

Kinda sad ): sry

Song: happy anymore by Savannah Sgro

Molly - 12 weeks pregnant

Harry and I have a meeting with his manager, Jeffery, today to talk about when and how we're going to announce the pregnancy. I couldn't sleep at all last night and I've been pacing my room all morning, my anxiety at an all time high. Jeffery called us after I picked up Harry drunk last week, saying something about how it was actually a good thing that that happened. Apparently a lot of photos were taken of us, a lot of them showing Harry hugging me and holding my hand. Which to Jeffrey was a good thing because it can soften the blow of the baby, whatever that means.

I don't think anything regarding this baby is going to be soft. I think the whole world will be in shock and all of his fans will be angry. And they'll all be angry at me. I've already had a few of his fans comment some things on my social media, but as of right now it hasn't been a lot, so I've been able to push away the comments. I have been getting a lot more followers on my Instagram and twitter though, and I'm going to credit that to Sarah, Mitch, and Harry and the many, many, photos that came out of the four of us last week.

It's also been harder to find clothes that hide my bump when I go out in public, and I know that the more I'm seen with Harry the likely hood of people assuming I'm pregnant is higher. Which also makes me extremely anxious. All of this makes me anxious, and I've been finding myself regretting my decision. But I would never tell anyone that, especially Harry. It would break his heart if I told him that. Especially since he's been talking about the baby nonstop and even started buying things for it. But every time I see him carry something new into this house it just makes me feel worse. Like he's going to be this amazing father and I'm just going to be there, going through the motions, wishing my life were different. I know I should be grateful but I gave up my whole life for this, and he hasn't given up anything. And I know that's what I told him to do, but I can't help but feel slight resentment about the situation.

I'm sitting at a home that isn't even mine, doing absolutely nothing during the day. And every time I leave the house I have to be very aware of what I'm wearing, when months ago I was going to school for my dream job in a city I loved with my best friend. And Harry's life hasn't changed at all, he's still going out with his friends and having fun. He can still do his job that he loves. He can do everything he loves, without hiding who he is. I envy him, I envy what his life is. And I resent that my life could have been what I loved if I had just been more careful, or if I had just stayed home that one night. . . The night that changed absolutely everything, and as of right now it looks like it was changed for the worse.

"Hey Molly? You ready to go. . . Hey, what's wrong?" His knock pushed my thoughts away and I whipped my head to the door, stopping my pace in the middle of the room. I quickly wiped my tears away, forcing a smile onto my face.

"It's nothing, I'm fine. It's just hormones." I waved my hand around, trying to signal that I was fine. He looked skeptical for a second and I thought he was going to push the matter but when his face softened I breathed out a sigh of a relief.

"Okay. . . Well I'm ready to go if you are?"

"Yeah, just gimmie a few minutes. I'll meet you downstairs." I nodded my head, and he left the room, closing the door behind him. I rushed to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I sighed before grabbing my makeup, trying my best to hide the red on my face from crying, putting a little mascara and blush on to make me look more alive. Once I was satisfied I grabbed my purse, slipping on my shoes and heading downstairs. I was wearing another babydoll style dress, these were one of the few things that always concealed my bump, so they were sort of my staple piece right now.