𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜

more than just a dream [j.j]

yoOo have my krii7y please
krii7y and tedbox are my comfort ships

anyways shoutout to tobionthetele for being a literal goddess <3 shes the only woman ill simp for

i hope i dont make anyone upset by posting this bc this is p long and is going to be kinda sorta triggering so uh,,,
cw for mentions of being told to commit game end, mentions of toxic friends, the use of slurs, mentions of wanting to commit game end, mentions of neglecting health and bad mental state

prompt; "my friends ditched me and now i'm lonely, so i find a random number and message it, and we become friends."

final word count; 4.1k

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john sniffles, wiping his eyes and face, trying to make it seem like he hasn't been crying. funnily enough, his friends don't seem to care about him all that much, seeing as how they kicked and banned him from the discord server he'd helped create - the one for all of them, all of his friends - after he'd told them one of his biggest secrets.

you see, john is gay. he assumed they knew - i mean, he wears nail polish and cross dresses sometimes, he's even talked about guys he'd fuck and even mentioned being pegged before and how he's mostly a bottom - but the instant all of his friends are online and read the message he'd sent, they kicked and banned him. at first, john is confused. what did he do wrong? he frantically looks for the document with all the rules he'd written, reading and rereading to make sure there was absolutely no offense he'd committed. then, he tries dming a friend, only to have the message that his messages cannot go through since their accounts are no longer friends.

john sits back on his bed, picking at chipped nail polish. he still has no clue what he'd done wrong, but it's no use moping about it. he picks up his phone and logs into discord, heading for his dms with swaggersouls, figuring maybe eric could help him find out what happened, but he's streaming and it's late/early in australia and he doesn't wanna be a bother anyway.

fitz and zuckles are both offline, probably asleep if he has to guess, and tobi is doing something with jay in the misfits discord server, which leaves the entire misfits group completely unavailable. crestfallen, he closes out of discord and hides his face in his legs, trying his hardest not to cry.

it doesn't work, john collapses in a fit of tears, silently crying, shoulders shaking with the effort to keep himself quiet. he doesn't know how long he stays there like that, back hurting from being hunched over his legs, eyes and head throbbing from the tears and thoughts racing.

his phone doesn't vibrate once.

now that he looks back on it, he can tell his friends made him worse. they were toxic, often calling john names and slurs they shouldn't have been using and berating him when he told them not to, publicly excluding him from plans they made in his server, shaming him for having his youtube channel whenever they'd get the chance, making sure john knows they think he's a failure for not having as much subs as the other people he plays with. they'd go to him whenever they needed something from him or to vent, but if he ever wanted to talk about his feelings he's shut down because he's "weak and shouldn't cry over something that happened since it just makes him weaker". they've even made fun of him when he told them he never planned to live past eighteen, when he told them he was considering suicide again recently and wanted some comfort or support. one of them told him to go jump off a bridge and he'd contemplated it for about a week or so, wondering if he actually should.

they were never the best, but they were his first group of friends, the first group where he thought he could belong, where he didn't know if he was doing right or wrong by being himself, where they could lean on him and confide in him about certain stuff, putting trust into him. and sure, the misfits are a nice group of people, better than those, but they've got their own agenda and their own shit to work out and they're pretty much a family and he doesn't want to get in the way of that.