𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜

spinning around my head and i stare [k.l]

i think i've become the official rarepair writer in the rpf fandom. not like i'm complaining though it's really fun

have fun -faithers- this was a really old req(?) of yours that i never did <3

fic title from ;; gooey - glass animals.

cw/tw ;; hate comments, self-depreciating thoughts.

pairing ;; karl jacobs/luke (punz)

prompt ;; talking to punz always makes karl feel better.

final word count ;; 1.66k

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karl isn’t sure about much of anything anymore.

he doesn’t know why he feels so empty, so despondent, so tired. hate comments are getting the best of him, the onslaught of horrid words thrown directly at him striking directly into his heart. he’s tired and angry and sad and he doesn’t know why he’s still scrolling through the comments. limpid amber eyes scan over the angry degradations on screen, and soon enough, it becomes too much for him to handle.

with a resounding shout, he throws his phone across the room, listening to the device hit the wall and crack. god, he’s going to regret that later, when he actually feels as if he can get out of his bed and check, but he doesn’t care now. he squeezes his eyes shut, but the words are imprinted on the back of his eyelids, haunting him with every action he does, and he just fucking can’t.

his body feels wrong, his head is heavy and he feels so fucking numb, he can’t bring himself to do anything, too weighed down with self-doubt and i’m not good enough on loop in his mind. he’s starting to believe it, sadly enough, starting to believe the poisioned whispers and words from the screen, it’s all too much, but it’s got to be somewhat true, if they’re saying it.

a soft whimper escapes his ruined vocal chords, followed up with the pitiful sound of sniffling and trying not to sob, curling up, trying to make himself smaller. it’s much easier to try and forget about everything when he’s more focused on trying to force himself into unconsciousness. he breathes in, breathes out heavily, trying to regulate his breathing and stop the pathetic tears dripping down his face.

his ribs ache, the result of the constant pressure against his lungs by laying down on his stomach and frequent deep breaths, and his head hurts from all the crying, but it doesn’t stop, no matter how much he wishes it would. his phone dings from across the room, where it’s laying on the floor, and he sighs, forcing himself into a sitting position so it’s easier to stand and shuffle over to where his cracked device resides. he picks up his phone and, although he wants to be back in his bed already, he’s too low energy to do anything more than shuffle back. he crawls underneath the sheets, laying in the fetus position, turns on his phone and winces.

“bright.” he hisses softly to himself, letting blurry eyes focus on the notification pop-up on his screen. it’s a dm from punz, surprisingly, asking if he wants to call, and against his better judgement, he accepts. his phone vibrates with the incoming call, and he accepts, sniffling and hoping luke doesn’t pick up on the sound.

“hey, karl!” luke’s voice runs softly through his speakers, and he smiles, the looming storm cloud above his head receding ever so slightly.

“what’s up, punz?” his voice is scratchy, and he winces, hating how it sounds. the cloud is back, lightning striking at his forehead and rain spilling down his cheeks. “sorry, i guess- i might be kind of sick, y’know?” it’s easier this way, lying so people don’t get worried about his worthless ass.