His Rogue Luna

Forty Four

Eccedentesiast
(n.) Someone who hides pain behind a smile

I felt like shit.

Not just because I had snapped at the person who was supposed to be the other half of my soul, but because in that moment of weakness, I had become everything he had ever feared. I had an appalling breakdown and hurt him in blind fear, exactly what his mother had done all those years ago.

I really was a disgusting monster.

Maybe he had been right to push me away in the first place. Maybe there is no real hope for ferals. Maybe Diana was wrong about me.

I stifled another sob as another wave of anguish washed over me.

I was being childish, clinging onto the thought of Diana even though she had long passed. I was hypocritical, not taking my own advice by talking to someone about the crushing responsibilities and the worry that was slowly suffocating me.

Instead, I thought I was strong enough to do it all on my own. I pushed myself too far and I had broken down. In front of the people I had promised to protect, the people that would probably lose trust and faith in me all over again.

"Ma'am, maybe we should leave tomorrow night? To get some rest?" Quin spoke up. I didn't look at her as I mumbled out my reply, still lost in my thoughts.

"No. You leave ahead without me, I'll catch up in a bit. I want to run there," I murmured distractedly. She hesitated for second before nodding and leaving with her suitcase. I listened to her soft footsteps as she walked out the pack house and outside into a waiting car. The car quickly drove off, the sound of its engine humming and fading into the distance.

I was left in silence again.

I was debating whether to apologise for my unnecessary yelling or just leave and deal with it once I got back.

Thankfully, the decision was made for me as Kieran's intoxicating scent wafted towards my room as he approached my door. He knocked on the door and I murmured 'Come in'.

He stood at the entrance of the door, looking unsure whether he should step forward or not, his face indecipherable and his eyes swimming with all kinds of emotions I couldn't quite read. I decided to break the silence.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you," my words sounded pathetic, even to my own ears. "I really didn't mean to hurt you in any way," I added. He walked over to me, quickly pulling me in his arms and I melted in his embrace, tears once again bubbling in my eyes.

"I'm sorry too. I just thought about the worst that could happen and overreacted ," he murmured. He pulled back a little to look me in the eye. "And Artemis? I didn't know. About your past," my guilt came back at his words and I tightened my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.

I didn't realise how much I enjoyed his touch.

"I didn't tell you. I've never really spoken about my past before," I mumbled. I realised how silly I was, expecting people to trust me when I couldn't offer them the same courtesy.

I decided I would change that.

Right now.

"I thinks it's time I do my fair share of talking," I sighed, stepping out of his embrace to sit on my bed. I patted the space besides me which he took, one of his arms resting on the mattress behind me. He was close enough without crowding me which I greatly appreciated as I gathered my thoughts.

"Well, I was a rogue," I began simply. "I had been a rogue for all my life. I had never known any other life outside of the forests and the wild," My memories of my childhood blurred by together and all I remembered was almost always being on the run from bigger monsters until I found my caves.

"I think at one point, when I was a baby, a couple of rogues took me in to look after me. I don't remember their names or faces, but I remember vaguely people being around me for a short while," I continued. "I had shifted at around five I think and that's when they left me so I continued on my own. I don't recall much of what I did. I just know it was a dog eat dog world and I was almost always running away from monsters," I recalled those memories easily, feeling the fear and adrenaline pump through me with each heartbeat as I heard the growls and snarls of beasts that chased me.

I shuddered at the horrible memories, knowing that they haunted me in my sleep and would await me once I closed my eyes.

I felt his hand rub my back gently, the movement bringing me some comfort and helping me focus back on the present.

"One day, when I was around fourteen I think, I had stumbled too close to a pack border unknowingly. The wolves on patrol had chased me for a while and one of them had taken a huge chunk out of my leg. I somehow managed to continue my escape until they gave up on me, figuring I'd die," I grimaced.

"I passed out on the ground, having given up and just wanting to die. I was tired of fighting and running and just wanted to sleep forever," I swallowed the thick lump in my throat, recalling those days where I was losing my will to survive with every passing moment.

"I thought it was over and that I found peace, but it was quite the opposite. It was the beginning of everything," I felt my lips twitch into a small wry smile.

"That was when Diana found me," I explained, finally turning to face him. I then delved into everything Diana had done for me. From the first few days where she had simply petted my frightened wolf, to slowly coaxing me to shift back.

"She taught me how to read and write and how to speak multiple languages. I discovered I had healing powers so she gave me these tattoos to symbolise it," I said, holding out my wrists to show the matching strips.

He held my hands, admiring the patterns and softly tracing one with a finger.

"They help me manifest my own energy so I can heal others," I added.

"What about the one on your sternum?" He asked.

"It symbolises my strength, speed and spirit," I explained, pulling down the front of my top to reveal the intricate pattern. Again, his fingers traced the pattern softly, and I marvelled at how much I enjoyed a simple touch.

"And your back?"

"That one represents my oath to the moon goddess and my status as a spirit wolf. It helps me harness my mental powers,"

"And your thigh?"

"It's more of a good luck charm. The sun represents Mother Nature and the moon is self explanatory," I shrugged, fiddling with a thread on my blanket.

"Artemis?" I hummed in acknowledgment, looking down as I waited for his next question. His warm fingers slowly lifted my chin so I was once again lost in his sapphire gaze.

"I want you to be comfortable around me. I want you to be able to tell me things, to trust me," he admitted.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

"I'm sorry too. Come here," he gathered me in his arms and pulled me to sit on his lap where he held me even tighter. I felt my walls slowly crumble down and I snuggled into his chest to enjoy this moment.

As I slowly drifted off to sleep, I realised something.

I was on my way to forgiving Kieran.