The Diary of a Schizophrenic

Moody

For the person who was always pegged as "moody".

You are not a burden, you are not a mess, you are not a nutcase. There is a reason for everything, and most people have a hard time understanding us. We are diverse, amazing, and creative creatures that thrive on unknown possibilities. We struggle a little more than other people, and that's okay. Maybe you could need help, and maybe not. It is all up to you on whether or not you choose to seek it. No matter what there is always a way to find help. You can become strong again. You will make it. You are able to be in control.

I was always pegged as a moody type of person. And not entirely incorrectly either, I have Bipolar after all. I didn't always know it though, and that would cause a lot of problems for me. I didn't have a supportive family for getting health help and I didn't have the money to get it on my own. If I went to the ward on my own I would get hounded for it and never hear the end of it because it costs money.

An insider tip, your health is priceless. If you need help, get it, you deserve to live a life without torture. That's what my life was, it was torture. I feel like the world is a white sand beach on a 75 degree day ( in Fahrenheit ) with butterflies in the air. That is what the normal world feels like. I am peace. I am free. The difference now that I have sought help is beyond compare. Trust me when I tell you, if you have to wait, it is more than worth all of the money and time in the world. There is nothing like being able to think and breathe and exist just the way I am. I feel like I won the lottery every morning, even with my bad dreams every night. I feel 1000% better.

If you need coping mechanisms to help ease the mind, music. Music is your best friend when it comes to any type of mental health stuff. I'm not a doctor, simply a patient with an adoration for learning and too much time on their hands. Music has given me the ability to survive 21 years of torture. I have expanded my mind and become much more patient and calm, even under large amounts of stress. Music has always been the safest place in the universe for me. No matter where I am or have been, no matter what is or was happening, music has always been a stronghold for me. That and "The Lord of The Rings" trilogy.

The way music has been able to balance my mind in a life crisis is beyond amazing. I am baffled at how it can adapt your brain to better handle life in every scenario. I myself am a musician and I can testify to its amazing ability to level the playing feild for everyone. In my particular case, as I have a more severe case of Bipolar-Schizophrenia, it almost always has the ability to silence the voices, stop the visions, and keep my emotions from going on the fritz.

I also have Panic Disorder, severe Generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and a sprinkling of PTSD as well. This beautiful cocktail of crap is neutralized the moment a music note pops off of my lips. It's like fricking magic! You should try it, there are no regrets, and everyone can buzz off if they look at you weird. It even helps to hum if you don't feel comfortable singing, people will just think you're in a good mood.  It has given me so much strength to just sing and hum like it ain't no body's business!

Another tip I find very helpful is to find some form of easy to digest learning material, whichever subject you find is best, and just to take a little bit of time to enjoy learning.

(HUGE shout out to my favorite friend and High School Science teacher Jason Jurey!!!)