The Diary of a Schizophrenic

Relationships

I feel like I should say right off the bat that this is a bit of a doozy. I may have messed up the best part of my life, but my hope is that you can learn from my mistakes and not have to make them yourself to understand.

I was in the best relationship with the sweetest man, however, I struggled with my mental health because I was sicker than I could ever know. I didn't know that voices telling you what to do wasn't normal, and seeing things that weren't there was also not normal. I also didn't know that most people didn't have to wrestle with their mind in order to just exist.

There were months at a time where I would have these fits of severe mania or severe depression and I thought that it was normal, but it wasn't. Some of the choices I made were rather horrible, and all of the choices I made were poor choices because of my sickness. I was a person running a marathon with drunk goggles on. I tried to make the best decisions possible, but I ended up losing the best part of my days.

Mental health, when it gets worse and isn't kept under close watch, is a ticking time bomb. There is no knowing when it will go off or how big the explosion will be. There isn't even a way to know what area of your life will get caught up in that explosion. There is only one way that things can resolve in a safe way, and that is by getting professional help. The brain is a part of the body just like everything else. The only way to combat the disease that is controlling your life is by getting a medicine that can help. It is just the same as any other medicine, but it deals with helping the brain.

It is similar to how diabetics need help with their insulin levels, our brains need help balancing our brain juices so our meatball works the way it is supposed to. The medicine might need to be a part of our days for the rest of our lives, but we will be able to live comfortable, peaceful, and normal lives. Refusing to get help is just prolonging your suffering, and therapists can only do so much. The brain is a part of the body and the body needs a body doctor, not a person to vent to. It is the same if you have a heart condition, you will need a body doctor. The condition may not go away, but you can live safely without suffering when you do get the help you need.

I may not know you, but I do know that I care about your well being, and I can honestly say that my life is light-years different now that I am managing my condition. It's okay to need help, and yes you might be "needy" but you are in that much need of help because no one took the time to help you before. Sometimes we have to help ourselves so that we can bring peace to our lives.

The journey is as simple to begin as calling a doctors' office, any one you find on the internet near you will do, and tell them that you need a mental health evaluation. They may send you on a wild goose chase, but that all needs to be done in order to get your meatball where it is meant to be at. The effort is  so worth it. I cannot emphasize that enough. There will be hope, and there will be peace. Remember, communication is the most important thing with your journey. Be disgustingly honest, even if you feel like you are complaining, it is going to help them do their job. You deserve help, and you are allowed to get help. If you need permission then this is it. This is me giving you the permission you seek. Go and be free. You deserve it.