The Diary of a Schizophrenic

Body Image

Body image can be a bit like a runaway train. Either it is a good thing or a not so good thing. Now throw into that pretty little mix a bit of mental health razzle dazzle and you got yourself a bit of a Picasso painting on your hands.

My own personal accounts of body image are rooted in my childhood and what my sisters and mother used to say about me, as I was a less than usual child. Those over time snowballed and became a seething stinkball of yuck. After years of struggling in school I became somewhat okay with how I looked, that is until I became skinny. I could only see my "fat" when in reality I was experiencing body dysmorphia, a condition that causes you to physically see yourself in a way that isn't accurate. I actually became severely depressed and began to gain actual weight.

Something I didn't expect was to overcome my dysmorphia because of this weight gain. I began to appreciate my beauty as it was then and there, which in reality had always been there. I eventually became healthier and I have continued to love my body in every way that it is. I love it, not in spite of, but because of all of the wonderful scarring and marks that cover my body.

I love the way the bumps on my shoulders feel because they taught me that resilience feels better than looks could ever make me feel. I love my stretch marks because it shows all of the yummy food and happy memories that fill my days. I love my scratch mark scars because they remind me of all my wonderful pets that I have had over the years, with all of the unhinged happiness that they felt while we played together. I love my acne scars because they remind me of all the trials I have faced and endured and learned from them.

My scars have taught me that I am an infinite soul that is capable of anything I can dream up. Any dream, idea, or even just plain fantasy. So with all they have taught me, it far eclipses what troubles may have arisen because of them. Love your feet for carrying you for the years of your life. Love your belly for keeping you cozy warm when the world was cold. Love your freckles for being the sunbeams gathered on your beautiful skin. Love your ears for all of the wonderful sounds they may gather, and your eyes for all of the wonders they may see.

Your body is so much more than just a case for your soul. It is a canvas for the inspiration that is you to flow out upon and create with. You are one of the great wonders of the world. Your story, for all of the gnarly mess that it might be, is a story waiting to inspire hundreds, or even thousands. Look at yourself with the mindset of someone who loves you. Now try and make that mindset your own.

There is so much wonder and amazing experiences in this world that there is for us to explore and live. We all have much better and more fun things to do than let our stressors control our lives. If the people of the world truly cause that much of a problem, choose to not be a part of those people. By worrying about it you are choosing to let their problems become your own problems. Today is full of enough stress for itself, and tomorrow for itself. Right now lets just focus on right now. There is plenty of time to make things change.

Rather than sitting and persecuting yourself for not being where you want to be, try and write out things that you can start to do that help to bring you to where you are looking to be. Wherever that is, it is attainable if you keep up with the little things you set for yourself to do. For example, I have had my nails painted for the last two weeks because I set aside ten minutes for me to do whatever I wanted to do regarding self care.

I love taking bubble baths, but I wanted to do my nails and they were starting to chip from the last time they were done. I started painting my nails twice a week, changing color each time, because I simply wanted to. It is okay to show yourself a little love. The worst that can happen from is maybe having to re-do a couple of nails or clean up a little polish off the table.

Give yourself a little treat after work and sit in some hot bubbly water with some cold bubbly in your hand (it could be soda, who knows). You deserve a good warm, relaxing soak.