Refracted

- - 30 - -

All night I had been tossing and turning on the thin mattress, really it was just a fabric cover for the hard, tiled floor. The room was constantly gleaming and it was difficult to find the comforting oblivion of sleep but it came in patches. For that I was grateful.

It was a process again to open my eyes to the blaring lights; I clapped my hands over my eyes, created and gap and widened it in increments. At least it used some otherwise wasted time.

There was no clock on the walls nor windows so I had no clue what time it was, honestly that was really unsettling. My body clock was already suffering as my limbs felt weary and ached upon standing up. The second thing I noticed was my intense dehydration and a burning sensation at the back of my throat. My lips were cracked and my throat was as arid as the Plains. Hopeful, I glanced around the room to find a tray or water bottle or just a drop of moisture. Nothing. The third thing I noticed was my hunger. My stomach was growling intermittently but the pain was constant. No food anywhere. There wasn't even a flap in the startlingly white door.

What was I supposed to do now? Walking over to the desk, I saw that everything was in its place. The note was right where I left it, as was the chair and my imprint on it. No one had been in here since I first arrived yesterday; I was completely isolated...

Voices. I couldn't distinguish what they were saying but two scientists were definitely talking behind the door. I ran over to it and banged and screamed. I had to be let out! No matter how hard I banged or screamed though, I couldn't hear myself. My hearing had been taken from me and most of my sight. My hope and joy and dignity. Gone.

I banged and kicked and screamed until I could no more at which point I sank to the floor in a pathetic heap. Sobbing with silent tears into my arms, I clamped my eyes shut.

It was back. The Shadow. Now it was inside my eyelids, dancing and morphing away. I snapped my eyes open but the glaring light penetrated through my eyes into my brain, blinding me. The darkness seeped though the white. The Shadow danced away in the light, on my eyelids, on the walls, in my conscious. I couldn't escape it grasping me, its intentions to never let go. I was trapped, owned. I had no control over myself anymore.
Tears blurred my surroundings but the Shadow was always clear. It danced inside my mouth and round my body before materialising again before me. I could feel it, the agonising pain in my stomach as it danced and it's claws scratching down my throat. It punched my brain and poked my eyes.

The Shadow never left me.

At some point I must have fallen asleep again but it wasn't pleasant. Horrific was probably a better word to describe it. The sleep was shallow and filled with nightmares, memories of what had happened. But this time, the Shadow was there, watching me, lurking behind buildings. It laughed as we were caught by the VISORs and grinned knowingly as Elyse and I discovered the abandoned facility. Everywhere I looked now, the Shadow would always be hiding in one form or another. He would always be with me.

A rough hand shaking me arose me from my sleep. My cheeks were damp and my eyes felt puffy. It was even harder to open them but when I finally did I saw Lucas' face looking over me, a concerned expression on his face.

"Are you okay, Verity?"

He mouthed the words but no sound came out. The Shadow filled my thoughts and I didn't respond, couldn't respond. One night here had destroyed me. I was broken, a shell.

He tried to pull me up but I didn't move and eventually it took six scientists plus Lucas to lift me onto a gurney. I let them, no resistance. There was no Resistance. None whatsoever.

I closed my eyes as they wheeled me away and watched the Shadow as it danced. Yet it remained at bay on my eyelids and kept out of my body, for now.

When the gurney stopped, I didn't move nor opened my eyes. I simply didn't care anymore. They could do what they wanted to me now. My agony had subsided and I felt numb, no longer caring for the thirst in my throat or once gnawing hunger. The numbness was cold and it reminded me of the White Room.

I heard the scientists leave again. I could hear again! It was the first time in over a day that I had listened to anything. A nice change from the growling of the Shadow.

"Are you okay, Verity?" Lucas asked me.

His footsteps indicated a closeness to the gurney and I couldn't resist as my curiosity got the better of me. I opened my eyes and found his.

He looked at me and I could tell he was expressing his kinder side momentarily. He had allowed me to leave the place of my nightmares so I felt like I owed him something.

I shook my head at him.

His face softened and I saw the pity he felt for me, flash across my father's eyes. Knowing the absolute truth, I could really appreciate how much he looked like my father. I had inherited my red hair from my father but Lucas had my mother's brown hair although with a slight tint of red if you knew to look for it. His eyes were definitely my father's though. I could have gotten lost in his face, tracing the memories of us and our family, reminiscing about the good life we had before all this. Instead we were here... because of Lucas.

After hesitating, Lucas' demeanour shifted and I knew the aggression was now closer to the surface than the kindness I had just seen.

"Do you have something to tell me?" He pressed.

I shook my head.

"Something about why we were separated perhaps?"

He wanted the note. The one he had written on the desk explaining how my father and I were to blame for the catastrophic results of our family. Maybe it was worth just giving him what he wanted, to avoid punishment and give the impression that I was 'cured'. I didn't have to believe it, did I?

I tried to explain to him, let him hear what he wanted to hear. But my lips wouldn't move in coordination with my thoughts. They wouldn't even form the words. I couldn't speak and I didn't really want to. It was better this way, I could protect myself from saying something wrong. Although saying absolutely nothing was not necessarily better.

His face darkened again and it reminded me of the electric storm that I had barely survived. I remembered John once again but he seemed more of a suspicious figure in hindsight. Memories flooded back and I recalled him saying something about someone not wanting me to die. I couldn't be sure but his actions were ordered not genuine, at first I had thought that he was a part of the Resistance and surely not...?

Lucas was still waiting for me to speak. I remained mute.

I could see his rage bubbling on the surface and my father's eyes were again replaced by harsher ones as he took on a new expression, an expression that the government had taught him to use. Neither my mother nor father had ever been angry people and yet here was their offspring right before me. They would be so disappointed, or at least the mother I remembered would have been anyway.

A scientist came into the unrecognisable room and Lucas spoke to him quietly but not quiet enough and I pretended that I wasn't eavesdropping.

"I'm sick of this. Do whatever you have to do but get her to talk. I will interrogate her tomorrow and if you cannot provide me with results then you know what will happen."

The scientist left with immense fear written plainly across their face at the obvious threat. I wondered what the threat was: the White Room? Death? Deportation to the Far Side? Suffering for his family? The list went on. This man before me was not my brother but a stranger, an imposter. He stormed out of the room and the scientist reentered and wheeled me away on the gurney.

I was expecting them to take me back to the White Room for more torture but where they really took me was far, far worse.