Everlasting Silence

Chapter 8

Hello everyone hope you're all well. Here's the next chapie as well. ^^

Hope you like it.
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Tony had a headache. A terrible, terrible headache. And it's cause was a simple looking black book now sitting on his table, visibly innocent looking. This book, that belonged to Loki, was in fact not so innocent. 

They had managed to read some of the entries. And almost nothing in this damn book was anything good. The only thing they read about Loki was that he was the black sheep of the family. 

He was not trusted by anyone because of his ability to manipulate words. Everyone practically straight out hated him. They treated him as if he was nothing more than a con-man. 

And the greatest part of this information was that Loki was treated the same way here. 

In Asgard if anything went wrong they blamed it on Loki. That wasn't right. The only person who seemed to love him as he was was his mother. And apparently his 'dad' loved beating the hell out of him, whether it be emotionally or physically. 

The first time Loki mentioned punishments for doing something wrong or bad, both Bruce and Tony assumed that it was the usual no meals or being sent to his room. Oh, how wrong they were. 

The entry that revealed his punishments, in Tony's opinion, were bad. Real bad. Apparently he was only ranting but what he wrote made Tony feel like his dad was an angel. The entry read:

            I hate Odin. I hate him, hate him, hate him. I had lied once again today. I lied about breaking the pillar in the hall. Lied, like I always do. Because if Odin found out I was sure that I would be punished. 

Thor would never be though. I do not understand why it is that whenever he does something wrong he gets away with merely some scolding while I am locked away without food or water for a few days. 

I am sure I deserve it though. I am weak, I can never be good as Thor, or strong, so I am punished. 

I am certain my mother does not know of these because she would never allow it. But…  I do not tell her only to be disappointed again. I believe that out of everyone in Asgard mother is the only one who actually cares what happens to me. And if she does know of them I don't know what I will do. 

Thor does too, I am sure, but ever since he had started to spend time with Lady Sif and the Warrior Three he sees me less and less. But I changed the topic didn't I? 

I should write about what Odin did to me. But is there any purpose to writing this? No one will ever read it. I won't let anyone read it. And yet when I write to you I imagine I am telling an old friend. My shoulders feel less burdened.

Thus I will continue. Mother was, at that moment, in Vanaheim on some matters regarding trade between our realms. It wasn't as if I had meant to break it. I merely slipped up in casting the spell but I am certain Odin would not believe me. 

I was scared so I lied. Yet I didn't check my surroundings. And apparently Lady Sif was nearby during the mishap. She told Odin. He doesn't like it when I Iie. He says that lying is for thieves, not princes. 

I was punished again. This time though, I was whipped. Only three times but they hurt. The feeling of burning and pain mixed together. My back is still aching. It will heal before Mother arrives. I should tell her but I am fearful of Odin. I know that once Mother goes away again he might hurt me more. 

I miss Mother. I wonder when she'll be back. I hope she's alright. 

Tony sighed. They had stopped reading after Bruce persisted that they should sleep at night. But Tony wasn't sleepy at all. He got up hiding the book carefully. He needed a drink. 

Actually tomorrow when they read he was going to keep two to three bottles of scotch. He would be in dire need of them. 
                 _______________________             

Bruce wasn't feeling good. In fact, he was feeling horrible. They had read quite a lot of Loki's journal and they had only found pain. There were only a few rare moments when he was actually happy. Other than that, his journal felt like an ocean with undulating waves that just settled for a moment or two.

Everything they read was filled only with hate, hurt or lies. The fact that he was constantly pursued by other kids just so they could beat him did not make him feel better. Why would it? 

Bruce wondered if that was the reason his strongest spells were illusions, cloaking, shape shifting and teleportation. If he used this to hide himself and now he just does it subconsciously whenever he feels threatened. 

One thing was certain though, Loki was slowly getting depressed and angry. It was evident how his writing pattern had changed. He also seemed to blame himself for being weak. He was insecure. 

Bruce remembered quite well what Loki had written about himself after a training session went horribly wrong. 

           Why am I so weak? Why can't I be strong just like Thor? He can defeat multiple foes all at once whereas I can't take on one. 

Everyone says that I am weak. I wish they would all stop speaking behind my back. I know I am weak. I try to become strong. I work hard. But I know that I will never be able to catch up to Thor, especially when it concerns physical prowess. 

I can only compensate for my lack of strength with my magic. And yet people don't understand that. When I fight with magic they call them tricks and a cheater. When I pick a sword they laugh at me, taunt me. 

They do this relentlessly. Never stopping. It's all my fault. I am incompetent. I am inadequate. No matter how much I work I will never amount to anything. They say that all the time and slowly I find myself believing it. Why shouldn't I? It is obvious, I am weak. 

But I will still work hard and I am certain one day they all will be eating their own words. I'll make sure of it. One day. Also I have learnt a spell that will allow me to clone myself or others. They are merely illusions but I have to practice against someone as no one else wishes to do so. 

I am glad mother gave you as a gift to me. When I write in you I feel as if a great burden has been lifted. I will go practice now but I will write in you later. 

Bruce laid down on the bed and closed his eyes trying to sleep but his thoughts were racing and they all stopped at a single pivotal point, Loki. No matter how many routes of distractions he took, Loki was becoming the destination.

Knowing he wouldn't be getting sleep which he so desperately needed, he opened the last drawer and took out his sleeping pills. Taking them, he closed his eyes and was soon out like a light. 

Before he completely succumbed to sleep one thought crossed his mind,

'I wonder how Loki is right now?'
                     _______________________
Hmm. More of Loki's life revealed and nothing seems to be getting better.
Tony's feeling guilt. A lot of guilt and he hasn't even gotten to that one year.

Welp. I really hope no one was ooc and everything was fine and there weren't any typos. And if there were mistakes so
▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一 *mistakes and typos*
This is how I feel.

But thanks for reading. Tell me what you think.

Your sincerely,
YeranJ.