Whatever, Josh | ✔

Chapter Twelve

THE WHOLE CLASS, I could barely concentrate on the lecture with all these thoughts roaming inside my head. Occasionally my eyes would tilt to Matt, but not for too long, in case students―or the Professor―got the wrong idea. The thought of confronting Matt, and telling him it was a whole big joke occurred to me, but it didn't seem accurate, especially considering my dumb ass decided to include the word 'cousin': big spoiler alert there!

So, instead, I ran to my dorm room, crying, and, luckily, Josh wasn't there to witness me crying, but a group of girls, who I passed by when I started breaking down were, and started laughing for no reason whatsoever. I mean, what's even funny about a person crying? Ask those girls. 

After what seems like an hour of crying, I convince myself it's not that big of a deal and to just text Emma and clear things up. Grabbing my phone, I pray to God that Matt hasn't confronted Emma yet―or never will―and click on Emma's contact, debating on whether to text or call her.

Text, I confirm; and I pull up the text page with Emma's name on it, leaving the text bubble blank for a whole five minutes before typing down: whatever you heard it's not true. My finger hovers over the send button, and I wonder if Matt even did confront her, and if this text will spark an unwanted argument all because Matt never really did confront her. 

Your first actual friend, Advika, I think to myself, and you just had to go fuck it up.

Suddenly, the door swings open and, to my shock, in enters Josh. He doesn't take notice of me watching him until he gets he swings his bag around his shoulder. "Advika..." his voice trails off. "I-I thought you were at class."

"Well clearly I'm not," I say, finding the words to speak.

He takes notice of my blotchy eyes. "W- Were you crying?" 

I wipe my tears instantly, scolding myself for crying. "Stop changing the subject, Josh. Where the hell were you?" He sets down his bag, sighing. 

"I'm not, Advika, I'm just concerned―that's all."

"And I'm concerned about your whereabouts. I mean, you can't just avoid me after your ex shows up," I shoot back, getting up from the bed.

"She's not my ex," Josh grits his teeth.

I shake my head. "I thought you had changed since your high school years, Josh, but if you're not even willing to open up to me, then..." My voice trails off, wondering what to say next.

"Some shit happened, Advika," he pauses, "a-and I didn't mean to ignore you, everything just happened last minute and I found myself i-in this―"

"Whatever Josh," I say, pushing past him to get my laundry. 

His hands, suddenly, grip around my waist, as he mutters: "It's not whatever." His eyes meet mine and I gulp from how deep his voice is. "I'm telling the truth, Advika."

I try to ignore how hot he looks in this particular moment―his brown hair listening from the sun rays, and all. "A- And how am I supposed to believe that?" 

"Because," he starts walking towards me, and my breath intensifies as I walk backwards, "I-I can't tell you yet because I don't know what's happening myself, b-but you have to believe me Advika." A tear pricks from his eye, and I, desperately, feel the need to wipe it off.

"I don't know who, or what, to believe anymore, Josh." I let out a deep breath, as his watery eyes meet mine. Silently, he walks towards me. "J- Josh," I stutter, "w- what are you doing?" I take another step back, until there's no more steps left, and I fall back on my bed. Suddenly everything starts to feel hot. 

I don't even know what I'm doing or what's happening, but as Josh climbs top on me, I don't care, but then why do I feel so uncomfortable? His brown hair tickles my face, as he leans in closer to me, his minty breath fanning my face―and I gulp. Do I want this? I watch his brown eyes softly close, and wonder what I'm doing. My whole Sophomore year, I've dreamt of this happening, and it finally is―God, why can't I be content for once! I close my eyes, finally waiting for our lips to touch, and I wonder, then, if I even applied chapstick on my lips this morning; but, by then, it's too late because Josh's lips have already touched mine, brushing it softly, which, unfortunately, only lasts for a second when someone's phone starts beeping. 

Josh gets up suddenly, his face coated in panic, and I look at him with confusion on whether the kiss wasn't right or this phone call is important. "Shit," he comments, taking out his phone from his pocket, "shit, shit."

"What happened? Josh, are you okay?" 

He looks at his phone, and then at me for a second, before getting off the bed. "I-I got to go, Advika. I'm sorry, but I have to, I-I have to..."

"Have to what?" I ask, following after him. "Can we, at least, talk about what just happened?" His brown eyes are filled with remorse, and I don't know what to think or say to them. Instead I just watch him run off in the hallway, wondering if the kiss was a mistake.

If it is, then it would make sense to why he's running.