Whatever, Josh | ✔

Chapter Eighteen

I HAD THOUGHT that after our kiss, Josh would start showing up to the dorm, but turns out not all assumptions are right, especially if you think like Emma. Especially if you think like Emma. As soon as we were done eating pizza, which I had barely eaten and made an excuse that I had my period, which I'm pretty sure Emma knew was a lie, I ran back to the dorm room and stuffed myself with Oreo ice cream, since they didn't have any cookies 'n cream ice cream at the store, and watched The Middle, struggling endlessly to take my mind of Josh and what Emma had said.

Is Josh, still, hiding something from me? Maybe that's why yesterday's kiss wasn't as meaningful as I had dreamt. With these thoughts in mind, I had slept, only to the thought of calling Josh at five in the morning to tell him that we needed to talk and his response wasn't as groggy as I expected it to be, since I was calling at five in the morning.

"Okay, we need to talk too."

And, so, here I am on a Sunday at five thirty AM when I could be sleeping in, which is code for contemplating on more on what Josh is hiding. We, well he, decided on meeting at, none other than, the Diner. Even though I've only been here once―now twice, I guess―it brings back the last memory of Josh and I here. A smile escapes my lips as a car beeps, startling me.

"Why're you smiling?" the person asks coming out from his Honda.

"Why aren't you?" I shoot back, peering over to see his face―it's pretty dark.

"You're lucky this thing [the Diner] is open 24/7 otherwise I wouldn't have showed up," he says, as he walks up to where I am.

"And for the hamburgers?" I add, and he shakes his head.

"Eh, not so much the hamburgers. It's the waffles for me, although it wasn't really breakfast time when we ate here was it?"

"It is now," I state, and he smirks. He enters the Diner, swiftly, pushing the door open and the bell rings, signifying that a visitor has entered. The person behind the cash register takes a glimpse of us before rolling his eyes, and I breathe a sigh of relief that it's not the red-haired girl.

"Don't worry, it's just a boy," Josh says when he hears my sigh of relief and I blush. At least he's not gay, right? He drops his keys on the nearest table to time before sliding down the aisle, while I take my time, sliding in slowly. "So," he starts, not even bothering to look at the menu, "you wanted to talk?"

I nod my head. "I don't know what's been going on these past couple days, and I thought, or I was hoping, that our kiss would sort of 'patch' things up."

He chuckles lightly. "Kisses aren't that powerful, hon'."

"Not if you're not being honest." The words slip out of my tongue, but this time I don't even regret it. He looks up at me, his cheeks turning the most brightest pink and I can't help but feel guilty. But I need to do this, I have to do this. If I really love Josh―and if he really loves me―then I have to be honest. "So, tell me," I start, "all the missing pieces you left out yesterday."

"Advika," he chuckles, and then he meets my eyes, "you're serious?"

"Serious as I'll ever be."

"So that's why you wanted to meet up?" He starts for his car keys, which I beat him too.

I scrunch my eyebrows. "Yeah, what'd you think?"

"I-I thought you'd wanna talk about the kiss because..." his voice trails off. My eyes widen. This is getting more intriguing, and I don't know if I'm here for it or not.

"Because?"

"Because I love you, dammit!" he spits out. "And the kiss was 100% real, so, I don't want other people BS-ing you into thinking that it wasn't b-because it was, but, I have demons and sometimes it's hard."

"Hey," I say, reaching my hand out to him, but he yanks it away. Without a second thought, he flees from the Diner, racing down the steps. "Hey!" I scream, following after him. When he doesn't say anything, I scream even louder as I run after him, through the fog. I, finally, find him sitting on a log and I gently walk over to him. "Josh," I whisper, "you say have demons, but I have them too. You're not alone, Josh, that's why I'm here... for you." I breath out the last part as I sit next to him on the log. I inspect the scenery, amazed at how beautiful everything is.

"Y-You say you've compared yourself to my weight and my metabolism, but," he stops to look at me, "do you know how hard it is to deal with people bullying you constantly about it?" I consider that for a minute before shaking my head. "T-Then why do you do that?" I scrunch my eyebrows. "W-Why do you compare yourself to others when you're, already, beautiful?" A tear escapes my eye and Josh reaches his hand out to wipe it. "Why do you put so much effort into losing weight, and why do you space yourself out?" I look at him inquisitively. Had he been looking at me all these years in High School, and I hadn't realized it? "That's right," he says, reading my mind. "I loved you even before my heart knew I was."

"Josh, I―" I struggle to find the words as I look at a heart-wrenched Josh. "Josh, you're equally as important too, hon', w-why do you think of yourself so lowly?"

"I don't," he states firmly, "well I used to, but I'm dealing with it now."

There's a moment of silence and I nod my head. "Well, I'm glad."

"But you're right," Josh says, looking at me, "I do, uh, deserve you an explanation." I shake my head, but he begs to differ continuing. "Matt, he, uh, bullied my brother relentlessly to the extent that he almost did what he was trying to do," he stops to shed a tear, and, without thinking twice, I wipe it for him. He grabs my hand and kisses it, suddenly, sending tickles to my skin. "Your friend knew about it, which is why, I-I left early and," he looks at me, "I didn't take the offer to share an apartment with Matt my Sophomore year." As soon as those words fall out of this mouth, I sit there stunned. He smiles when he realizes I've understood what he meant. "That's right, honey. We wouldn't have met if I hadn't declined the offer with rooming with Matt."

"Then I guess we should thank him," I say, getting up.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," he says, pulling me down, "I kind of want to spend time with the girl who I've had a crush on since my Junior year, maybe even get to be more than that?"

"Like a girlfriend?" I question, and he nods silently, which sends me in circles. "Josh," I pause, "what the fuck, I-I."

"You're honored, I know," he smirks as his eyes lower to my lips. "So?" A smile spreads across my lips as I kiss his. "You know you're supposed to kiss each other's lips not teeth, right?" he says as he breaks out in a toothy grin.

"I know," I say, as I force myself to close my lips, but I can't.

"Whatever," he says, pulling me closer, "you know this story actually reminds me of your story?"

"What?" I say, pulling apart from the kiss, looking into his chocolate eyes.

He smirks. "Yeah. Oh, by the way, I go by jbryant now."

My eyes widen as I recall the username jbryant commenting on my story on Wattpad. "Whatever Josh," I say, pulling him again for a kiss, this time on his neck.

"Hey! I'm pretty sure that's the title of ConfidentGirl78's story!"