To Lose Control

Chapter 19

-3rd Person-

Taylor rushed into his apartment, shutting the door and violently locking it as soon as he was inside. His breathing was labored, as he was tried his hardest to catch his breath. He was having a panic attack.

"Take deep breaths," he whispered to himself.

"It's okay. You're gonna be okay."

He was trying to reassure himself, but he was still shaken by the events that happened less than three minutes ago.

Eventually, he calmed down just a little. Coincidentally, his phone rang soon after. It was Blake.

"He-e-llo," Taylor choked out through the phone. He tried to sound calm, but he knew he had failed miserably at that.

"Taylor? Are you okay?" Blake questioned. He knew something was off.

Taylor stayed silent. He himself didn't even know what had happened. He was just as clueless as Blake.

"Where are you?" Blake asked.

"H-ome," Taylor responded.

"Stay where you are. I'm coming over there right now." Blake said and Taylor knew there was no room for him to protest. Blake would come over there whether he liked it or not.

"O-okay," Taylor whispered into the phone.

He secretly wanted Blake to come. He didn't know how he'd make it through the night without him.

Taylor decided to take a cold shower as he waited for Blake to arrive.

As Taylor stood under the icy cold running water, he realized he hadn't taken a cold shower in a while. At Blake's home, he'd always take warm showers.

He wondered why. Why was he so different when he was and wasn't with Blake?

He did he suddenly feel gloomy when Blake wasn't around.

Taylor frowned. He hated relying so much on someone else, but he realized that's what he was beginning to do with Blake.

He didn't know what to do.

Taylor eventually had to put an end to his shower, because he was beginning to prune up.

He stepped out and slipped on a random outfit from his drawer.

By the Taylor finished dressing himself, there was a knock on the door.

Taking a deep breath, Taylor cleared his mind as much as he could, made his way over to the door peephole.

Stood outside the door was Blake himself.

Taylor opened the door for him , awkwardly letting him in.

Still to this day, Taylor felt uncomfortable and embarrassed to have Blake over at his apartment that he most definitely wasn't proud of.

Everything inside was so bland. There were barely any house accessories. Not even a couch or even a painting.

The lights were weak, reminding Taylor he hadn't switched them in a while and at any random moment, they would die.

The whole place just simply screamed gloominess.

As much as Taylor was overthinking this situation, Blake was completely unconcerned with how Taylor's apartment looked like.

He was honestly just worried about Taylor and all he cared about was making sure he was okay.

Blake stepped in, closing and locking the door behind him. As soon as that was done, he immediately grabbed Taylor's face holding it in his large, strong hands.

He spent some time examining Taylor's face and making sure he was okay.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" Blake asked.

He wanted to make sure.

Taylor shook his head, no.

He stared at the man in front of him in bewilderment. He couldn't understand why Blake had such a worried look on his face. Why did this man who has everything, care this much about Taylor?

It was a mystery that Taylor so desperately wanted to solve.

"Good,"

Taylor mustered up a small close lipped smile.

He walked over to his bed, sitting down, and Blake followed.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on?" asked Blake.

"Do you ever feel like your in a dream?" Taylor questioned.

"Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror too long and have a flashing moment where you feel like you're staring at a complete stranger?"

"No," Blake responded honestly.

Taylor sighed.

"To be honest, I don't even know who I am. I feel like I've never actually known."

"And that's okay," Blake responded,

"That's what life's about. Finding yourself and who you are. Just because some people find that faster than other, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with those who don't"

Taylor smiled a little. Of course he thought. Of course Blake knew exactly what to say.

"You always know exactly what to say don't you?"

"Haha," Blake chuckled softly, "I try," he smirked.

"But I mean it Taylor. There's nothing wrong with you."

"Thanks," Taylor whispered softly, now playing with the hem of his shirt as the room went silent. He was feeling kind of shy now for some crazy reason and he didn't know why.

Of course Blake always made him feel nervous everyday and anytime no matter how long or how many times they hung out, but this was a different kind of shy.

He didn't know how to explain the feeling.

"I really appreciate you being in my life," Taylor blurted, face going red as soon as he realized he said that out loud.

Blake smiled wide, pulling Taylor closer to him.

"And I really appreciate having you," Blake emphasized on the you, "in my life."

Now, Taylor was feeling much better. He felt ready now.

"Okay," said Taylor suddenly, "I'll tell you what happened.."

Blake smiled a soft encouraging smile, getting situated and ready to hear the story.

____

Taylor told his story, and by the end of it, he was shaking.

"Hey, hey," Blake tried snapping Taylor back to reality.

"It's okay, baby, I'm here,"

"Breath."

"Come here," Blake reached his hand out lifting Taylor and placing him on his lap.

This seemed to be something they did often. This was what they both secretly called their love language. It felt amazing for both to be so close to each other in such a nonsexual, but intimate way.

Soon enough, Taylor stopped shaking so furiously.

"What can I do to help?" Blake asked seriously, referring to Taylor's encounter at the park.

"I don't know,"

Taylor small hands tighten around Blake's shoulders. He felt safe and warm.

"We can figure this out together, okay?"

"Okay,"

Taylor snuggled his face into the nape of Blake's neck, breathing in his relaxing smell of vanilla.

This felt so right.

____________________

Author's Note-

Thanks for reading! Have a great day/night!

-drousyy♡