Conquer

~8~

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash 

"I want you to block out every thought you have ever had of doubting yourself," Percy calls out. "In the next two days you will be observed closely and your performance will determine whether you have made it past training camp or will have to stay behind with the next wave of soldiers."

The crowd of men around me exchanges nervous looks. I only hold my head high, not even allowing myself to think about my chances or what General Hedge told me that night in the tent. I have been working my butt off every day, with Percy and with Thalia. I will not allow this to fail, I will not fail, I will not fail.

"Alright, let's get to it!" Percy loops his arm in a circular motion, instructing, "Target range."

We break into a steady jog as a group, everything knowing exactly where they fit in the puzzle. My feet don't stumble this time, I don't look around awkwardly and unsure of myself this time. Instead, I keep my eyes straight forward with sure feet.

It hasn't been an easy process throughout training to begin blocking out those seeds of doubt I've planted inside my mind. I'm not sure where these thoughts came from originally as when I was a youngster, I never had any doubt surrounding whatever I was doing. 

What's weird about growing up is we spawn these second-guesses and overthinking defaults in everything we do, and you'd think growing up you would become more sure of yourself.

I guess sometimes life, and you, have to break at one point before being put back together in a better place, a better way, a more stable way. 

But who guides us into believing in ourselves? Who tells us we must put in the hard work to make a dream come true and not rely on wishing stars? My parents always told me that to be honourable I must fit the way society desires to view women. 

I must fit the stereotypes to be more predictable and 'less dangerous' to males. But yet, they treat us as not able to take care of ourselves, so...how can we be dangerous? 

But we are. Because women are strong, stronger than even my own father thinks. 

My heart tugs at the thought of him. I continue jogging to the archery range, where I will spend yet another three hours shooting countless arrows.

I've gotten good, better than most. I have taken in every piece of information Percy and Thalia teach me, and somehow I am excelling more than I have the entire training. 

Still, my nerves are not soothed and I continuously glance over to where General Hedge watches us. You can occasionally hear him screaming in his sleep, 'DIE!', but I don't hear much else from him. Well, except that night in the tent.

~~~

Pulling back the arrow, I breathe in deeply, my lungs expanding in my chest. Whoosh. Bullseye.

"No bad, Perch," Percy comes in my line of view.

I smile a little, aware of how feminine it looks. I reel it in. "Thank you, sir."

"You know how I hate the formalities."

"You know how I hate to be interrupted in practice," I say back.

He points a finger at me, the ghost of a smile on his face, "Careful, Andrew, I'm still judging you."

"Hopefully you won't be judging his dance moves," Leo calls out from down the line.

Heat rushes to my cheeks and I close my eyes. I hear Percy laugh, "What? Do tell me more."

When I open my eyes, Jason is shaking his head with a wide grin on his face. "Come to the going-away gathering tomorrow night and you'll see."

Jefferson facepalms, "Oh gosh, no."

Percy begins chuckling, and claps me on the shoulder, "Count me in. Don't worry, I'm not a promising dancer myself."

I wait till he is far down the line before hissing at the boys, "Why would you do that?!"

Leo shrugs, "What? You've got weird dance moves bro."

"Someone had to say something," Frank mutters.

I wave my hands, holding back a smirk, "I'm not the only bad dancer here, you know."

"Oh yeah," Leo says. He side-eyes Jason, "I know that one."

"Stop looking at me Valdez." 

Have a great day/night wherever you are! - The Fangirl