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Much to Nyxis's chagrin, Periot was up and ready to go the next day.
"That is so unfair," he whined to Denara during dinner that night while the boy was busy shoveling soup into his mouth to listen. "Why do I have to spend almost a month trapped here?"
Denara rolled her eyes. "I think you know the answer to your own question. Unlike most of us, someone has to throw a silly tantrum and throw himself back into the ocean."
"That is stupid," Periot interjected, finishing his fifth bowl. Damn, this boy was like Xanthy.
Denara chuckled. "So stupid."
"Hey," Nyxis said. It was meant to be a little sterner but a smile had won over instead. Soon, he was laughing along with Denara and Periot about how stupid he had been. It had been so long since he was able to laugh like that.
As Nyxis watched Periot inhale his fifth serving like it was water, his chest tightened at the name blaring in his head as a memory. Xanthy. Where was she right now? What would being trapped in the chalice feel like? Was she lonely?
He shook his head and heaved a sigh. Xanthy chose what she did. Whatever her circumstance now, it's not his fault. It would never be. Would Xanthy be able to forgive him for telling a lie right when she just got her heart broken by the worst lie of all? What would Xanthy do when she knew that he didn't succeed in killing off the Heiress?
Nyxis couldn't forgive himself for letting those things happen. Right when he woke up in this cave, he knew that he shouldn't have lived. Maybe it was his fear of not being forgiven that triggered that reaction, or maybe it's something worse.
Shame—that was probably it.
Here he was, confident that he could save Xanthy from her fate, from her choice. He lied, broke his promise, and told her that she could forget everything that happened when he emerged whole and their problems solved. Except that he didn't emerge victorious. It's quite the opposite. He's stuck in this cave and the Heiress was reigning in terror over his island.
His island. It didn't even occur to him until now that he didn't know what he's fighting for ever since Elred found him in Furloth's bakery. He wanted to end his mother's tyrannical reign, sure, but after that he kind of...drifted around.
Xanthy had to fight for the island because it was her duty but Nyxis...
What was he fighting for?
He stared at his bowl, willing the orange goop to at least reflect a silhouette of his face, to remind him that he was still here, that he's still alive. Nothing came up at him but pieces of soft meat drenched in orange soup.
All his life, he had just been there, helping out whenever he could from the background. No one paid him any special attention so he didn't either. Now, the world thinks he was dead and probably moved on, as Denara told him a number of times. This was a perfect chance to escape his destiny and his duty.
