Scars-💜jikook💜

Chapter 9

Jungkook's Pov
     I was thinking of getting at least a wink of sleep this night after barely sleeping for 3 days straight but it seems like my brain and heart had different ideas. My heart kept on beating really loudly, i'm not sure from fear, anxiety, or just because Jimin was sleeping beside me using my arm as a pillow. I could hear his soft snoring beside me and just hope that my beating heart won't wake him up.
     I stared at his face which was at peace, no fear, no stress, just calm and peaceful. I can't deny he was really handsome from his dark brown eyes to his fluffy blonde hair. I spent 3-4 hours just gazing at him while remembering our memories. (A/n:Is it just me or it sounds a bit cheesy)  I was at ease for a few ours before my dark thoughts replaced the happy ones.
     I love my friendship with Jimin and I wouldn't trade it for anything but what if he finds out i'm suicidal.
     'If I were him, I wouldn't be friends with a suicidal freak.', my brain said.
     'But Jimin hyung is nice. I'm sure he wouldn't leave me.' I tried to retalliate.
     'Please.. You think he likes YOU. A freak. A weak boy like you. He is just nice boy unlike you, a fake. I'm pretty sure he thinks you're weak too, he is just too nice to say it.'
     The demons in my mind starts to take over. Whispering lies to my ears but I can't help but feel like it was the truth. I was starting to breath heavily. A panic attack. Not here, please. Not now. Not when Jimin is here. He would know all my secrets and that can't happen. I tried taking deep breaths, i tried thinking of happy thoughts, i tried every possible way I know and none seems to be working. I started feeling light headed and nauseous. Everything i see was a blur as my tears threaten to spill out.
     "Breathe, Jungkook, breathe.. "

Jimin's Pov
     I woke up in the middle of the night and started to panic. I wasn't in my bed but then i remembered last night and sighed, relieved that i was safe in Jungkook's house, away from my father, but that's when i noticed heavy breathing and quiet sobbing from beside me. I glanced at Jungkook and panicked when i saw him almost passing out. He was having a panic attack and I didn't know what to do.
     "Breathe, Jungkook, breathe" I said as i pulled him into a hug and slowly rubbed his back. "You're okay now, you are safe with me. And I won't judge whatever is wrong. Just tell me problems when you are ready and I'll help you. But for now just breathe, you're okay. "
     I felt him calm down from his panic attack. He was still quietly sobbing as i continue to rub his back.
     "Are you okay? I asked him. He quietly shake his head.
     "Do you want to talk about it? " i asked him again. Yet again he shaked his head.
     "Alright then, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here." I softly told him and he nodded his head.
    After a while the sun had risen and Jungkook had calm down. He was staring into space, looking a bit lost.
     "I'm sorry.." He quietly said. I noticed he was desperate to tell me something but was too hesitant to actually say it. I knew he was anxious so i decided to start the conversation with him.
     "You know... You're not the only one with panic attacks. I get them too."

Jungkook's Pov
      When he said that, I felt calmer. I glanced at him staring outside my window. I somehow knew he would still be welcoming to the real me, a lost, depressed, young boy. He took a deep breath then told me his story.
     "If you think I'm living a great life then you're sadly wrong. My life right now is anything but great."
     He then looked at me and stared into my eyes. His eyes showed all sorts of emotions like sadness, anger, hopelessness, but it also shows peace and kindness.
     "Back when i was young, I thought the world would be a happy place, full of happiness and laughter. Because that was the environment in my house, full of love. I lived in an average sized house but that was enough for me. My father worked as a business man and my mom was a sales woman. We rarely went out to eat in restaurants to save money but I would still trade anything to try her cookings again. I loved my family very much and we lived comfortably."
     He then gave a bitter laugh. "I should've known that's not how the world is. A few months before my 12th birthday. There was no more laughter, there was no more fun. I felt tension between my mother and father and instantly knew something was wrong. I'm not ready to tell the details yet but next thing I knew, my father murdered my mother. My own Father murdered my mother. From that day on I have trust issues. I'm scared people will betray me once more."
     The tears were threatening to spill from his eyes but he rubbed them away. "But I'm alright now. I have great friends with bangtan and a great friend like you and I wouldn't trade that friendship for the world.  You guys always give me strength and I would always be grateful for that."
     From the way he told my his story, I knew i could trust him, i knew he would understand. Was i ready to spill all my secret. The secret i've been hiding so well for a while. I thought about it and knew the risks. He might hate me after this. He might feel hurt hy my actions and I was scared.
     I shake of the thoughts from my head and prepare to tell him. Was i ready? Defenitely not. Was i still going to tell him?  Yes, 100% yes. He told me his story, i only found it fair to tell him mine. And besides that, I needed to lift this burden from my shoulders.
     "I am definitely not ready to tell you, I'm scared and panicking, but I'll still do it. I need to shake it of my shoulders. Brace yourself for the new information. It might be slightly shocking and hurtful but just promise me you won't leave me"
     "To put this simply, I suffer from depression and anxiety... "