Scars-💜jikook💜

Chapter 10

Jungkook's Pov
     "To put this simply, I suffer from depression and anxiety." I started, taking a deep breath and bracing myself for what could happen.
     "I have an older brother. Actually had. His name was Jaehyun (a/n:not NCT Jaehyun)  and he was 4 years older than me. I am a very shy person and have trouble making friends so back then, he was the only one I have. Of course he had other friends who, i noticed, aren't so nice but I don't want to disturb his friendship. When he was around 14 years old, he had started coming home late. He would come home at like 1am full of bruises and sometimes cuts too. I often have trouble sleeping so I knew but was too scared to say anything. And then... And then.. "
    I closed my eyes recalling the incident, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "And then one day when mom and dad were still at work, i came home from school to find him tied to a chair, his body full of bruises and cuts. He was stabbed and blood was flowing from the cut. I was beyond shocked and horrified. Who would do such a terrible thing? Ever since then I've been having panic attacks and wouldn't trust anybody. I developed social anxiety and would panic everytime someone would talk to me."
     I couldn't take it anymore and cried my eyes out. "Ev-ever since th-that incident, my family was broken. A year later, my mom ki-lled herself and that was the last straw for our family. My father started being cold and harsh towards me. His expectations for me raised as i was to become the heir of his company. My brother was extremely smart so you would think i was smart too, but I'm the opposite of smart. I started to think I was a dissapointment and that was when i developed depression."
     As I was telling my story, my brain was convincing me that Jimin would feel betrayed and leave me after this. I immediately apologized, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I promised I didn't mean to betray you by keeping that a secret. I was scared you would leave if you knew i was a suicidal freak." The tears in my eyes were already dropping as I looked down on my hands.
     "I don't think you're a freak and I promise I wouldn't leave you. After all, I also have scars. I would be there with you to get though this together." Jimin replied softly. I felt at peace and relieved hearing that he didn't mind befriending a freak like me.
    "Thank you." I said whole heartedly and hugged him.
     "No problem." He replied while softly patting my head.
     I was hearing his heart beat and it calmed me. The nice, soft beats were lulling me to sleep. Next thing I knew I was off to dream land, resting in his arms.

Jimin's Pov
     "Goodnight Jungkook" i said as i played with his hair, watching him fall asleep.
     I felt so bad for him. How could someone so lovely have such a hard life. I wouldn't lie but I felt slightly hurt he didn't tell, but then again I didn't tell him either. If i was betrayed by that and left him, I would've been a hypocrite and am sure not one. I wouldn't hurt Jungkook for my soul, he's too precious to me.
     I stared at him looking at peace. I noticed I haven't really seen him looking actually peaceful. He's always so stressed and worried and i feel bad. I couldn't imagine having a brother who is the closest to you get murdered and left to die right in front of your own eyes. The thought itself is terrifying. I'm mad that Jungkook had to go through that alone for years. I wanted to find who did that and stab him just as he stabbed Jungkook's brother. The more I thought about it, the more i was seething with anger.
     But then I remembered Jungkook. If i had actually murdered someone, he would've been traumatized. He would be scared of me. He would think of me as a monster and I didn't want that. All I want to do now is protect Jungkook with all my might. I want to protect him from being broken even more.
     But how would I do that if I was broken myself. My life is a mess. My father murdered my own mother right before my eyes. I have trust issues just like him and somehow I didn't tell him that. I hate my father yet somehow i'm still living with him.    
     "Why?" I asked myself. I never thought of that. Why? I hate my father yet I'm still living with. He killed my mother and yet I'm still living with him. He abuses me verbally and yet I still live with him. He beats me up and yet I still live with him. He doesn't care about me and yet I still live with him. He doesn't want me and yet I'm still living with him. Am I somehow feeling empathy for that old man? That can't be right...but why else would I stay. I feel like I'm betraying my mother by staying with the person who murdered her but somehow I still want to stay. Maybe because I still had a chance to change him. But what hope was there. He always refuses my help. He would get drunk each night, sleeping with different woman, slowly dying but when I try to help he would push me away.
     I felt like crying. Sad that my mom's not here anymore. Angry at my father for killing her. Angry at myself for not stopping him. Angry at myself for not tryjng hard enough to change him. Desperate for her to come back. Hoping for a happy family once more.
I just hope to be truly happy once again.
     I sighed and wrote my thoughts in my phone. I often type or write down my thought when they are a mess and right now they were a maze. Confusing and frustrating. After typing them down, i went to sleep with Jungkook still softly snoring in my arms.