The Light You Give

Extended 3.

Post breakup.

Ever just feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you have nothing to live for? Yeah.

I mean, Hayley convinced me to go see Seth in the next couple of day after the breakup. But he wouldn't speak to me. Then one day there was a knock outside the door. And when I went to check it. All my stuff was in a box, and there was a small note.

You can keep my stuff.

I broke down then and there. Every inch of hope of us getting back together was shattered. If that wasn't concrete enough I don't know what was. He didn't even want to see me to get his stuff back. Hayley eventually hauled me back to my bed, where I had been for days.

I think the pain really set in then. I wasn't sleeping, food was a last thought, even when Hayley brought me burgers and milkshakes after she finished up at class.

I had emailed all my classes to inform them I would be taking a mental health break, getting a reference from Astrid over the phone. That was hard. She asked me how Seth and I had been. And let's just say I didn't answer the question.

Every day started merging into one, my phone blew up besides me. But I never checked it. I just downed sleeping pills, nibbled at the food put in front of me, and cried.

After about week three. The crying sort of stopped. There was just this gut wrenching pain. But I couldn't cry. Maybe I was too dehydrated. Maybe I didn't have the energy. I don't know. I don't care.

I drank a lot as well. Downed vodka. Lay in the bathtub and drunk myself into a stupor. Hayley would always come home and nurse me back to health. I was practically her child. She was babying me. And I felt so guilty. But I didn't really care about anything. I couldn't bring myself to.

***

"Lacey. C'mon. We're getting you in the shower." Hayley says coming into my room, flinging open my curtains. It was still dark out.

"It's dark." I exclaim pulling the duvet above my head to protect myself.

"Yeah. 9pm. We're going out." Hayley says grabbing my hand and pulling me out of bed.

"No. I'm not going out." I snap as I struggle to stay in my bed.

"Yep. You are. Someone's going to be here to see you soon. Then we're going out." She says, grabbing my fave softly in her hands and staring into my eyes encouragingly.

"Fine." I grumble, against every living bone in my body. I made my way to the shower as Hayley passed me a towel.

"10 minutes in there." She nods to me. I sigh and with a nod I close the door behind her. I turn on the shower and climb in, my body almost sank at the dense feeling of water against my skin. I looked down to my body and winced.

My rib cage was very prominent. Bruises doted my legs, from my drunken escapades. I looked in the mirror, and despite my olive skin tone, I looked like death. I gasped.

Grabbing all of the things in the shower I washed hurriedly. My hair which was dragged, only brushed every couple of days by Hayley. I climbed out of the shower and wrapped another towel around my hair making my way into the kitchen. I grabbed a bowl of cereal and wolfed it down. Needing to get some meat back on me.

Hayley watched this go down, a thoughtful look on her face. I made my way back into my room and pulled on some underwear. I tried pulling on a dress but it lay slightly limp on my shrunken frame. I sighed. Digging through my closet. I found a skin tight dress and slipped it on. Even though on the slightly looser side, it was still tight enough to not be flowy. I rushed and dabbed the concealer under my eyes. Mascara and eyeshadow quickly followed.