𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 ( 𝐳𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 )

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬

Hi, first off big love to my girlfriend for the new cover ^ :) I am in love with it. Second this chapter is a little shorter than the rest but I promise things are gonna get longer and happier in the coming chapters.
I hope you like this still <3

Facing his pain, seeing it for what it is, understanding who he was before and trying to come to terms with who he is now, taking autonomy of that new him, this him. The him that has a say in what happens from now on, the him that can walk away from a situation he doesn't want to be in. Zayn knows that him is where he wants to be, where he wants to get. To the point where Trevor would be a nightmare of a man he once knew, that whole time would be a period he could look back at and pride himself on how far he had come but that wasn't where Zayn was at the moment. At this very point Zayn was still consumed by the horrors of what that monster had done to Zayn, his family, his understanding of his whole life. Trevor had been arrested a few weeks ago and he'd been reassured over and over again he wasn't ever going to see him again. So why was it that he still hung over Zayn like thunderclouds even now, why was it that still if anyone moved suddenly near him he flinched?

Harry had introduced him to a therapist last week, and Zayn had seen her three times since, she was an older woman with a kind face and she was great. Never too intrusive, she let Zayn tell her whatever he wanted, at the pace that he wanted it to be known.

It frustrated Zayn that he suddenly had all of these wonderful people around him that were willing to help him however he might need but he was so in his head that he couldn't bring himself to say more than 5 words to them.

To try and be present, to leave the room he had shut himself and his own mind in he was going to attempt to go out for once. As he made it down he was met with Harry in his lounge surrounded by multiple people he assumed were in his team, Eric saw Zayn first and she nudged Harry who had his back turned towards the stairs Zayn was at. He was surprised to see Zayn stood at the lounge and quickly excused himself from the discussion he was having and made his way to him. Zayn didn't want to intrude and take Harry out from what was probably a very important discussion so he got straight to the point. " I wanted to go get tattoos." He said looking up Harry's arms that were littered with multiple tattoos hoping he could tell him where to go. Harry looked surprised, " Oh, umm can I ask what you might want to get." Zayn looked down and stuck his arms out, " I want these scars covered. I have multiple different ideas for tattoos that I have been drawing for a while since I did always want tattoos. So I thought I'd start getting some now." Harry looked guilty about having asked but Zayn wanted him to know he really didn't mind, these scars were a part of him now but he wanted them covered so he could begin to leave behind these past three years, he saw this as a step in the right direction so he put his hand on top of Harry's that was resting on the banister and smiled up at him. Harry smiled back really wide and then turned around to call Eric, " I am a little busy but Eric here will take you to my guy. He does all of mine, if you don't like him we could always find you another artist." Zayn nodded, slightly grinning. He was excited, he hadn't felt excitement in a while.

Zayn made it up to his room, changed and was down in record speed. Eric was waiting for him at the door with another girl, someone with curly hair; quite the opposite of Eric's long flowing straight locks stood next to her, as Zayn made it to them and the girl with Eric introduced herself as her girlfriend and said her name was Adylyn. Turns out she worked for Harry as well, she was a part of his advertising team. It's how her and Eric met. She hugged Zayn brief and sweet as a hello and again he was left wondering if Harry only let kind people work for him.

With a nod and a smile from Harry Zayn was out the door following the two girls holding hands. Adylyn drew too as Eric quickly let Zayn know along with the fact that she was painfully shy and probably hates that she was telling him this right now. Which earned her a smack in the arm from Adylyn and a chuckle from Zayn. The smack only seemed to motivate her to embarrass her girlfriend some more as she began showing Zayn her paintings and telling him exactly what she liked about each one, he had to give it to Adylyn the work was really good but she wasn't having it anymore and began to protest by shoving at Eric's shoulder repeatedly till she put her phone away, laughed, turned to her and with a kiss apologized. As Zayn watched them there in Harry's car as they made their way to Zayn's first tattoo appointment he realised that a relationship really shouldn't be what his was, this is what it should be. It should be joy and love and it should leave you feeling warm.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Tour planning had started in ernest now, with cities, venues, themes, stages, outfits, tracklists, dates. Harry was as excited for it now as he had been for his first ever tour with One Direction. The touring was his favorite part of what he did after all, the shows, the fans, his songs being sung back to him that filled him with so much gratitude for how his life had turned out. Planning it all though was tiring work. He was exhausted. He was waiting for Eric and Adylyn to drop Zayn back so that they could have dinner. Harry almost couldn't help worrying for Zayn at this point, he hadn't woken up screaming from a nightmare in a while but Harry had a sneaking suspicion that was because he wasn't sleeping at all. He wasn't going to pry, he was going to do his best to be there for Zayn when he needed his help but he wasn't going to assert himself upon him, for once he wanted Zayn to have the time to heal on his own to give him the time to properly grieve his family. He was excited that Zayn wanted to go out and get tattoos though, to see that he wanted to do that for himself. He hated that he wanted to cover scars that had no business being on his skin in the first place but if this was Zayn's healing process he was going to let him have it. Apart from the scars of the cuts on his body however Zayn was coming along quite nicely, most of the bruises on his face had cleared up and even the bruises on his body had lightened quite a bit and he looked quite a bit healthier. At least physically he was doing better.

When Zayn finally made it through the door Harry was idly catching up on the usual football not really paying all that much attention to what was going on. Zayn walked to him on the couch and upon him excitedly asking what he got done Zayn blushed a little as he pulled down the collar of his shirt a little to show Harry the Arabic alphabets he'd gotten just above his collarbone which he explained was his grandfather's name ' Walter ' in Arabic. After gushing about how good it looked for a moment which led to Zayn eventually shyly rolling his eyes at Harry they made it to the table to eat.

~~~

Harry was finally a little bit at peace, Zayn had eaten and had even asked if maybe he could watch a movie to which Harry had maybe a little too enthusiastically urged him to and joined him for. What made Harry even happier is towards the end of Avengers: Endgame Zayn had fallen asleep and not wanting to wake him up now that he finally was asleep Harry had pulled out the extension of the couch that made it a bed and put a duvet on him. Harry fell asleep with a massive smile on his face and a content heart.

Which is sad when you think about it cause he would wake up only an hour later to Zayn screaming himself awake and by the time he had rushed down to the lounge where he had left Zayn sleeping he had thrown up on himself and was sobbing.

Some more Zarry fic recommendations to get you through the end of the world ( i. e. now ) - Fractured and On Your Feet by thisonegoes on Ao3. Sorry I am on a thisonegoes binge at the moment. I just love all her stories.

But also Insomnia by ownmysoul27 right here on wattpad. Been desperately waiting for the last chapter to that one.