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Dɪғғɪᴅᴇɴᴄᴇ (ɴ) -ᴛʜᴇ ǫᴜᴀʟɪᴛʏ ᴏʀ sᴛᴀᴛᴇ ᴏғ ʟᴀᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇɴᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴏɴᴇ's ᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ, ғɪᴛɴᴇss ᴏʀ ᴡᴏʀᴛʜ

Trigger warnings:
-disordered thoughts

Vote**

I woke up at 8:00, and sat on my bed watching YouTube for the next three hours.
When my phone notified me that it was at 20% for the third time, I closed the app, and got undressed for the shower.
I twisted the shower handle and waited for it to warm up.
I took off the bandaids while I was waiting and cringed at seeing the cuts, imagining how much it was gonna hurt to get in the shower.
I stepped into the base of the tub, trying to ignore how much my arm stung.

After standing in the shower for awhile, I stepped out and looked at myself, naked.
Tears threatened to fall as I felt my cheeks and neck heating up.

I got dressed slowly and walked to my kitchen to make a salad. The events of last night still had my head throbbing.

I held my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut.
I didn't want to go to school tomorrow, but I knew that even one missed class in compsci could mean a failed test.

All of a sudden I was back in that bed. Boom.
I quickly opened my eyes.

I took a shaky breath, swallowed, and walked over to my fridge.
As my head continued to kill me, I made a quick salad and hesitantly started eating.

As I chewed, I realized that I had gotten a text from Clay.

As I chewed, I realized that I had gotten a text from Clay

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I left him on read.

I put the bowl and fork into the sink.
I walked to my room and muted my phone that was currently blowing up.
I didn't care enough to check.

Turning my tv on and switching it to Netflix, I put my phone down and sat on my bed.

Before I could choose a show, my vision went blurry with tears.
I closed my eyes, allowing the tears to roll down my face, and breathed heavily.

Suddenly I needed to throw up.
I got to the toilet and quickly stuck my index and middle finger down my throat.
I did it again.
And again.

I reached my hand behind the bowl and pulled to flush. As I heard the swooshing of the water, I slid onto the ground, my back on the toilet.
I coughed and choked on the mucus from my throat and the heavy stream of salty drops that had been falling down my face.
I struggled to breathe as the sound of my hitching sobs filled my small bathroom.
My body went numb as I attempted to get up.
It felt like I weighed like a bag of bricks.
I clenched my hair and grinded my teeth, attempting to distract myself, but still, the breaths I took were getting shallower at each inhale as my brain buckled down.

I melted onto my cold tiled floor, unmoving, unfeeling.

A/N
Word count: 499

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