Let Go: Winterwidow

Chapter 20: Amends

Natasha was just as dead as Stevie now, perhaps even more so. What had her precious baby boy done to deserve the worst punishment life could give? Apparently life had been our for him from the start, giving him a premature birth and on top of all that various, nasty health conditions. It just wasn't fair!

What was she supposed to do now that Stevie was... not here? She had been forced to take him to the morgue to keep his little body from decay as they figured out a funeral plan. Natasha couldn't imagine cremating her baby. It would literally kill her from all the heartbreak and devastation.

Natasha was waiting- praying that her husband would come to her when she needed him so desperately. It hurt to feel anything so she tried not to lean towards any one emotion too much, fearing she'd cry so hard she would die from the grief.

Suddenly the front door was opening, but the ginger could care less. She looked up in the direction of familiar footsteps and her eyes widened slightly when she realized it was her sweet husband rushing to her aid.

"James...." she whispered but then was scooped up into the tightest, most passionate hug Bucky had ever given her before. There were no more tears to be shed from her yet, but she allowed it. Though she knew that he'd never forgive her for the way the interview had gone...

"Shh, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here...." Bucky murmured softly and stroked her hair, then looked down at her. "Stevie...

Natasha couldn't say anything as Bucky reached down to cup his wife's cheek. It was cold, just like the rest of her appearance. She seemed just as dead as... not Stevie, no! Bucky seemed to look around as if he might come crawling happily out of the living room, overjoyed that Daddy had come home!... But he never came. There was no laughter or happy squeals. It was silent.

"W-Where's my baby..." Bucky whispered in a rather hoarse voice and he struggled to swallow. "Where's our Stevie?..."

Natasha was too weak to hold her husband back, but she tried her best and sniffed. Would he be angry at her for letting him go? She hadn't meant to let go, it just happened so fast!

"H-He's at the morgue for now... I-I was told it was the only proper way to preserve his body i-in time for a funeral..." she said quietly and she could feel her husband's grip tighten on her slightly.

"O-Oh..." was all he said, but Natasha didn't mind.

She didn't like talking right now. She didn't like talking, or breathing, or standing... Her heart was aching too much and too painfully to even contemplate any of those things. She wanted to follow Stevie, to make sure he was okay and knew the way... she wanted to make sure he was happy. Maybe someday she'd know for sure, but now, there was too much life in the way to try.

"Hey, i-it's going to be okay..." Bucky said again, using what little strength he had to comfort the love of his life. "I'm so sorry, I should have never left you, baby... I can't believe myself for letting you go through this alone... I'm such a sorry excuse for a husband..."

"I'm not alone, though..." Natasha whispered and looked up to him with her blank eyes, but she really meant what she was saying. "You're the most caring, understanding, compassionate man I know... I know you love me still, and I love you, and... everything..."

"It's not your fault Nat, it's not," Bucky said quickly and gave kisses all over his wife's face, wanting desperately to see her happy smile again. That day might never come. "I don't blame you for a second. I wish that I had just taken the damn job like a man instead of running away like a scaredy cat..."

That made the ginger cough a little laugh and she cupped Bucky's cheeks shakily, leaning her forehead against his. Things did feel a little better now that she wasn't alone, and that her company was her most favorite person in the world. "I knew you could handle i-it... that's why I sent you to begin with. I know you're strong..."

"And I'm gonna carry you the rest of the way... I promise as long as I live, you'll never feel alone again," Bucky whispered gently, seeming to be trying to keep himself from completely falling apart at the seams about the loss of his son. Right now he was probably still in shock, but she knew the waterworks would come sometime soon. He kissed his wife's head and smiled sadly at her. "I love you, Natasha Barnes..."

Natasha sniffled and buried her face against her husband's chest finally, crying her heart out. She hoped James would know that she would've said a thousand things to him if she wasn't so consumed with her grief. She hoped that no one close to her would ever have to go through the complete abhorrent agony that she felt ripping through her heart, but it was less painful when Bucky held her so tight. She could guess that her husband felt like their whole world was disappearing now that it was really in their face... the truth. But what could they do now that their life was over? How would they move on?

"L-Let go...." Natasha whispered, as if she had just read the brunette's mind. He turned his head up slightly to gaze into her blank, lifeless eyes. She was right, but she knew he just couldn't, and she knew she wouldn't be able to either... Not their love. Not their life. Not their Stevie.

Let go.

                   Let go.

                                       Let go.

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~Finis~