PINKY PROMISE

Chapter 5

KLARIKA'S P.O.V

Day one without Toby.  Quite.  Lonely.  Dark.

I went up to my classroom to sit on that chair, that used to be ours.  I never thought it would be this fast.  I thought, the only thing that might separate us was college life.  When I was younger, Mom didn't remind me the lost which might cost in a strong relationship.  My heart hurts.

"Good morning..."  Sophie came over.  It's only two of us in here, this early.

"Morning."  I sighed.

"He's gone."  She asked, but more likely told.

"Officially, effectively."  I nodded.  "Why would I care.  I feel dumb."

"You're not.  It's the same.  I would feel the same way if I were you, or if you ever had to go I'd be the first person who cries."  Sophie hugged me.  "Let it go, Kla."

"I just hate it for no reason...  That's the worst part, that no reason part.  I hate it because I have no reason to feel it."  I cried against her chest.

"You know what?  It's time for a serious talk.  You love him."  Sophie whispered.

"It's not like that."  I shook my head.  "No I don't think so."

"Please...  Please, just one time, don't deny it.  Look through, feel it deep inside.  You're jealous of his life.  And those possibilities for him to leave you."  She explained.  "That, my girl, is a jealousy because you love him."

"I didn't intend to..."  I lost my breath.

"Love him.  I know.  It's undeniable.  You can't help yourself from falling for Toby.  It's okay.  I got you."  Sophie hugged me tighter.

"It's not supposed to be like this, right?  It's a wrong feeling, right?"  I screamed to Sophie.

"No...not at all.  It's absolutely fine.  We just have the not so friendly time right now, mostly because we can't control Toby's time anymore.  You lost your time with him, indeed.  But not like you're gonna lose everything."  Sophie spoke.  "You see?"

"Yeah...  I've tried so hard to not to.  Because they said a friendship can never turn into lovers.  I don't want to fall into that hole."  I swept my tears.

"Or not.  Maybe it has to be that way.  Maybe after all, you weren't friends.  You're more than that."  She smiled.  "Look.  Let's embrace this for a while.  Give him time.  You'll find a way to get back to him."

I saw the lights in Sophie's eyes.  She has that all spirit to encourage me from giving up.  I can't let myself down because for once, she put her money on me.  Someone trust me.  So I just smiled and swallowed all excuses that I wanted to tell, then hugged her instead.  I'm sorry.  I can't help but falling for him.  I don't know when the genuine friendship turns into a mess, but that's what happened.  Maybe after all, I'm sad because I can't see him anymore.  Maybe it's not about this whatever friendship we have.  More about how I'm left behind while he's moving on with that cool life ahead, when once, I thought I had him.

30 minutes later, all classmates started to fill in the class.  It's about to start.  I already can control myself as well as hide my red eyes from everybody.  Sophie promised me to move to Toby's chair after today.  She just need to tell her chairmate first.

"Good morning, kids."  Mrs. Finley came into the class with some books in her hands.  She's our English teacher.

"Good morning, Mrs. Finley."  We all said in unison.

"Hey guys..."  Then there's this voice echoed from the door.   I looked up.

"Toby..."  I whispered.  There, he exactly looked directly at me.

"I'm sorry.  I'm not gonna bother your study time.  Uhm...I only need 2 minutes here.  First, there's something I should tell you."  Toby stood at the front of the class when everybody else being confused.

I studied his face.  True, he wasn't lying.  I saw the big guilt which shown from his expression, and his voice, just like last night in my room.  I collected every ounce of my power to stare at him deep down in the eyes, to make sure he knew I wasn't mad at him.  It's not his fault after all.

"I should go out from this school, due to home schooling program that I should take.  Therefore, effectively today, I won't be a part of you guys anymore..."  Toby held his breath.

"Oh gosh..."  I sighed slowly.  It's tough to hold the tears when it's filled in your eyes already.

"And second, Kla, I'm sorry..."  He came toward me.  "I'm truly sorry."

"It's okay."  I shook my head and soon we both drowned into each other's hug.

"Let's talk outside."  Toby took my hand.  "Thank you guys.  Thank you very much Mrs. Finley."

Toby hugged some of his closest classmates and also Mrs. Finley before he took me outside.  I only glanced once to Sophie.  She gave me a nod.  Jeez I don't like Friday.

"I know you're upset.  It's one-sided decision and there's no better way to tell it.  This is the worst decision I've ever taken and trust me, I took a very long deep talk, arguments with my parents and brothers.  That's how much I don't want this..."

"Toby, that's enough.  Stop it.  It's fine..."  I whispered.

"No.  I want you to know, Kla.  My house's still right there.  That door is still opened for you.  You can go straight to my room, easier than...who, Tank?  You mean something huge to me.  Nothing's gonna change that.  I understand your insecurity about this friendship.  I might be going on tour tomorrow and will not coming back until next year, whatever, but this still means something."  

"Okay...  Okay stop it Tobes..."  I cried harder.

"You see me?"  He convinced.

"Yeah I do.  Thank you for this all.  For being here and care about this shitty drama."  I chuckled in my tears stream.

"Oh you look horrible while crying."  Toby buried me inside his hug.  "I love you."

Then my eyes started widened themselves.  What did he just say.  Oh, sorry, too much.  That's kind of 'I love you' that you always say to your best friend.  I'm still a fool.

I took a deep breath to make it sound convincing.  "I love you too."

"I should go..."  He kissed the top of my head.

"I know.  Go."  I released him.

"This is a petition.  You, call me."  Toby pointed.

"You too.  That's an order."  I waved.

"Be right there.  Stay safe with Sophie."  Toby drove away.

"Okay!"  I tried to look happy and waved back.  "Okay..."

The world is cruel.  I just willingly let my love gone, out of my hands, once again, maybe for forever long.