bad idea

Chapter 10 (NEW)

Kai's Pov

a/n: bare with me... shits about to get confusing...😳

As Joan continued to talk for hours, it all made since, the further she went. The night before the incident, we were talking about our future together, and I remember her continuously dabbing on kids. I just couldn't stop thinking about how everything would've been if us four hadn't went on that stupid double date. I remembered how that night she was telling me how she wanted a girl, but I didn't mind the gender honestly, either or would've worked for me. I spent the night imagining how happy my parents would've been since I was the only child.

"We should've told you sooner, I know—"

"No, it's fine, thank you for telling me now at least," I said, cutting her off. Joan only sighed, as the three examined my face as if I was going to cry in front of them.

But I excused myself to my room, to go shower, and just lay in bed, which, I did exactly that. Except I played my piano for a bit, since it was something I usually did whenever I felt sad or just needed to clear my head.

Just as I was wrapping up though, I heard a knock at my door. I knew it was Ariana because she always came after her nightly shower and that usually ended around twelve.

"You can come in," I said, loud enough for only her to here. I pushed my piano back into its place as she came inside, holding a bowl of cookies, going over to my bed, and getting inside.

Usually I hated food in my bed because crumbs were the worst, but tonight was on a different note. I got inside of my bed on the other side, making sure to turn off the lights and stuff,
because I was going to sleep soon.

But it was silent as we ate the cookies together, although it wasn't like we needed to talk, it was honestly peaceful just the way it was. And as much as I hated to admit it, I didn't want to be alone right now.

"How was it, like planning the appointments together?" I asked, breaking the silence. I didn't wanna ask more about it, risking being even more hurt, but I couldn't help but do so. I just wish she should've told me, I would've happily went. But knowing her, she probably would've just done it and showed me so I couldn't get mad about it. Even though, I would've never been.

Ariana looked at me sadly, before fiddling with her fingers, debating on how she wanted to approach it. "She was so excited, we both were, since we both wanted girls and that was the day we both found out we were both perfectly healthy to have kids in the future. We knew how to two were so we didn't wanna tell you guys about it, just in case you told us to wait until after we graduated, but we knew you were planning to propose so we figured why not? And the day of the incident, we were supposed to ask you two whether you wanted more the one, but before we could, everything went down... and I should've told you, I know I should've but I figured you would hate me even more if I told you, so I never did. And I'm so, so—"

"Don't apologize," I told her, our eyes meeting. "Life fucking sucks; it does, but I get it. I'm not mad or anything, I just...I'm so curious. Would it have been a boy or a girl...what would we have named it or them? I never imagined taking my kids to a graveyard to see their grandparents, nor did I ever imagine taking my kids to go see who could've been their mom,"

"She froze some of her eggs," Ariana mumbled, and I turned to her.

"She did?" I thought for a minute. "Wait, I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't even think about how bad this hurts you too."

"It's okay, I get it, but like you said, it just hurts. He wanted a girl too, and he'd always sing 'Isn't She Lovely' and promise that he would one day sing it to our daughter or daughters... so now that's kinda all I'm left with," She sighed, sadly.