In the Midst of the War

Kabanata 33

KABANATA 33.

Familiar Feeling.

I FEEL so embarrassed. Pagkarating na pagkarating ko sa unit ko ay nagkulong agad ako sa kuwarto. I couldn’t determine what I am feeling. I just feel awful.

Maybe because all this time after Vale came back from their world tour, he’s living on the same building as me. The questionable part is, we’re living on the same floor but I didn’t even see any trace of him.

Or maybe… because I’m jealous? Yes, maybe that. When Vale and I are still together there was never a time that I felt jealous like this. The last time I remembered is that I got jealous to Sister Clare because she was Vale’s first love. Pero pagkatapos no’n ay wala na akong ibang babaeng pinagselosan pa.

Vale is so reserved before. He doesn’t socialize much but he often goes out with his friends. Hindi rin siya gaanong madikit sa babae kaya hindi ako nagseselos noon. Pero ngayon… maybe fame really change people?

Pero hindi naman gano’n si Vale. He’s still humble and down to earth. Maybe he’s just more liberated because they stayed overseas for a long time? Whatever it is, it’s frustrating me.

Ni-hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naf-frustrate. Is it because of the little changes? O talagang nagseselos lang ako?

What I did was so immature. Nakakahiyang aminin pero para ang teenager sa inakto ko kanina. Dati naman ay hindi ako ganito. Para akong tumatanda ng paurong. And I hate feeling this.

Tinalukbong ko katawan ko ang kumot at nagpapadyak. Hindi ko maintindihan! I was just excited earlier tapos gano’n lang ang nangyari!? I can’t believe it!

I calmed myself. I shouldn’t act like this. I shouldn’t. I changed and he changed too. Malay ko ba kung ayaw niya na sa successful woman na katulad ko at gutso niya na do’n sa mga cheap na party girls?

Argh! Sinabunutan ko ulit ang sarili ko dahil sa naisip. This is immature! I can’t believe im thinking like this!

I fought with myself for more minutes before making up my mind. I tried hard to calm myself before typing a message for Charlie.

Me:

Hey Charlie, I’m sorry for leaving early. Hindi lang talaga maganda ang pakiramdam ko. Bawi nalang ako next time. Also, please tell our friends that I said Hi! Thank you and sorry ulit.

I didn’t have to wait for hours for his reply because he replied immediately.

Charlie:

Hey, Raf! It’s okay, I understand. Though the guys were disappointed that you left early. Let’s just catch up soon, yeah?

I replied okay and I said sorry again. I reflected to my actions and I realized that it’s really rude to leave just like that. and my alibi is so weak, buti nalang ay naniwala sila.

Nag-half bath ako at nagpalit ng pajamas. It’s already midnight but I can’t bring myself to sleep. Lumabas ako ng kuwarto at pumunta sa sala. I turned on the TV and switched it to Netflix. Naghanap lang ako ng magandang Kdrama na ni-recommend ni Fita.

I’m on the middle of the first episode when my door bell rang. Napakunot ang noo ko. who would knock at my door at midnight? Bigla akong kinabahan.

Maybe my friends? Sanay na sanay silang mambulabog sa madaling araw, lalo na si Alonzo. Kinuha ko ang walis tambo na nasa kusina bago pumunta sa pinto at unti-unti ‘yong binuksan.

I was ready to hit whoever is on my doorstep pero nabitin ang kamay ko nang makita ko kung sino ang nasa labas ng pinto.

“Jana!?” I exclaimed. Nabitawan ko ang walis tambo dahil sa gulat. Jana just smiled and waved at me like she didn’t knock on my door at midnight!